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Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. v. 2
Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. Discuss both and give your opinion. Certain individuals think that the main reason for sentencing people to jail is for punishment and others believe that the major reason for going, is for rehabilitating criminals. Both of these views will be discuss in this essay and I strongly disagree with the sentence which says criminals are imprisoned to pay for their bad deeds. To begin with, offenders are not only sent to prison for punishment only but also, to learn some vocational training in prison. Lot of people have gained to be self reliance after coming out. As this will help them to earn a living. Some of these criminals are not gainfully employed and this prompt them in pocket picking and stealing. However, during the period they are serving their terms, they can learn work such as shoe making, barbing salon to mention a few. By the time they are through they become productivity. Hence, this make them a good citizens of the nation. Furthermore, going to prison help children to understand how to behave properly in the community. For instance, a child that is implicated by bad friends influence and he is punished for crime he did not commit will certainly know the kind of people he will associate with when he is released in jail. On the other hand, as believed by others that prison is met strictly for rehabilitating criminals, it will also help them during their time behind bar. Government law and enforcement agencies visit offenders in prison. They are enlightened about the laws and orders of the land. As, ignorance is not a defence to some crime. Such as, crossing the high way instead of using the pedestrian bridge. When such a person is persecuted he will definitely know do not it again. In addition, religious faith basis like the Christian and Muslim sometimes pay them visit. By preaching to inmates, this help to elevate their mood and mind by having faith in their creator that one day they will leave alive. In conclusion, prison is not only for punishment of criminals but also to aid them In having a productive life after completing term. similarly, as opined by other that going to prison is majorly for rehabilitation, it help to have knowledge about how things are done in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is to punish while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Certain individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main reason for sentencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to jail is for punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
believe that the major reason for going, is for rehabilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. Both of these views will be
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
discuss
in this essay and I
strongly
disagree with the sentence which says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are imprisoned
to pay for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
deeds.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, offenders are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
for punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational training in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. Lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have gained to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliance
after coming out.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to earn a living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not
gainfully
employed and this prompt them in pocket picking and stealing.
However
, during the period they are serving their terms, they can learn work such as shoe making, barbing salon to mention a few. By the time they are through they become productivity.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "citizen"?
citizens
of the nation.
Furthermore
, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children to understand how to behave
properly
in the community.
For instance
, a child that
is implicated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
influence and
he
is punished
for crime he did not commit will
certainly
know the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
he will associate with when he
is released
in jail.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, as believed by others that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is met
strictly
for rehabilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, it will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them during their time behind bar.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
law and enforcement agencies visit offenders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. They
are enlightened
about the laws and orders of the land.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, ignorance is not a
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crime. Such as, crossing the high way
instead
of using the pedestrian bridge.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
such a person
is persecuted
he will definitely know do not it again.
In addition
, religious faith basis like the Christian and Muslim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
pay them visit. By preaching to inmates, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to elevate their mood and mind by having faith in their creator that one day they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
alive.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for punishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to aid them In having a productive life after completing term.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, as opined by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is
majorly
for rehabilitation, it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to have knowledge about how things
are done
in the society.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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