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Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v.1

Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v. 1
The circumstances fetching happiness changes with the changes in stages of the human being’s life cycle. While some people are of the opinion that teenage is the best part of the existence of an individual in terms of being happy, the other school of thought believes that it is the adulthood where one relishes the pleasures of life the most while simultaneously fulfilling raking responsibility. From my standpoint, the early years are more enjoyable. The first argument for young years of one's life are being more joyful is the no obligation to earn for the bread and butter for the family. As, they are free from this biggest stress of adulthood, they are free from this biggest stress of adulthood, they are free to enjoy the activity. Furthermore, they are usually not bound by any dependency of others with them like taking care of old parents or a young baby. Therefore, they can follow their interests and passion can move out anywhere as and when required. Moreover, they have no me constraints to pursue their dreams. For instance, a child keen to learn cricket can spend all of his me le+ a+er consuming for roune chores of life span as per his own wishes. Admi&edly, the adult age has its own reasons for being the most ecstac part of a lifetime. Being a grown up they gain more wisdom, the happiness one may get from connecting with the spiritual powers of universe via meditaon could be high. Additionally, the self actualisation need of a person can be satisfied in adulthood, which adulthood which brings tons of inner satisfaction and happiness. Also, the money may not be limited like pocket money to spend on materialistic things meant to give instant pleasures. In my opinion, even when having no money constraints and higher level need satisfaction in adulthood, the joy of no me constraint, no obligations and no major responsibilities in early ages overrides it. To conclude, the sweet memories of childhood never fade away are, no matter where ever and what stage of growth a person is living they always remain with him/her.
The circumstances fetching happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in stages of the human being’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
cycle. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that teenage is the best part of the existence of an individual in terms of being happy, the other school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believes that it is the adulthood where one relishes the pleasures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
the most while
simultaneously
fulfilling raking responsibility. From my standpoint, the early years are more enjoyable.

The
first
argument for young years of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are being more joyful is the no obligation to earn for the bread and butter for the family. As, they are free from this biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of adulthood, they are free from this biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of adulthood, they are free to enjoy the activity.
Furthermore
, they are
usually
not bound by any dependency of others with them like taking care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents or a young baby.
Therefore
, they can follow their interests and passion can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out anywhere as and when required.
Moreover
, they have no
Possible spelling mistake found.
me
constraints to pursue their dreams.
For instance
, a child keen to learn cricket can spend all of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
me
Possible spelling mistake found.
le
+ a+er consuming for
Possible spelling mistake found.
roune
chores of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span as per his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes.

Admi&
edly
, the adult age has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons for being the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecstac
part of a lifetime. Being a grown up they gain more wisdom, the happiness one may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from connecting with the spiritual powers of universe via
Possible spelling mistake found.
meditaon
could be high.
Additionally
, the self
Possible spelling mistake. 'actualisation' is British English.
actualisation
need of a person can
be satisfied
in adulthood, which adulthood which brings tons of inner satisfaction and happiness.
Also
, the money may not
be limited
like pocket money to spend on materialistic things meant to give instant pleasures. In my opinion, even when having no money constraints and higher level need satisfaction in adulthood, the joy of no
Possible spelling mistake found.
me
constraint, no obligations and no major responsibilities in early ages overrides it.

To conclude
, the sweet memories of childhood never fade away are, no matter where ever and what stage of growth a person is living they always remain with him/her.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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