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Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles 2
Around the world, some people think government should build inter city railway tracks while others believe present public vehicles should be improved. In my opinion, the running public transports should be enhanced as some of them are too old and to decrease traffic jam those vehicles are necessary. The transport mediums which are controlled by the states are sometimes too aged. Even though those cars are still in service, they are not strong enough. As a result, accidents occur every now and then. However, as coaches are very ancient, working persons often become late to their offices for the slow rate of speed. For instance, Bangladesh government still using Bedford buses which was brought to service in early 19th century. Moreover, they have become burden for the government and it is obvious for the reign to replace them. Again, couple of families are using more than one car. For every individual family member of a family, there is an individual car. These causing a great standstill situation all over when all the family persons get on the road at the same time. So, to discourage the use of private cars govern body might take some steps like bringing attractive public transportation which can only possible if the old vehicles are thrown away. For example, In our country some government buses are introduced from north part of the Dhaka city to south part. After the introduction of the bus, many commuters are using it because it is so luxurious like those are air conditioned and seats are comfortable. On the other hand, if railway paths are organised then it will take less time to reach from one place to another. In addition, the users of train have to spend less than the bus passenger as the ticket price are too low. In conclusion, though some people argue for the construction of more rail lines and it has some advantages but in my opinion to get better service and to decrease traffic jam it is obvious that the government should concentrate on recent public transport.
Around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should build inter city railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
while others believe present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
vehicles should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. In my opinion, the running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports should
be enhanced
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and to decrease traffic jam those vehicles are necessary.

The transport mediums which
are controlled
by the states are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
too aged.
Even though
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are
still
in service, they are not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
As a result
, accidents occur every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then.
However
, as coaches are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ancient, working persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become late to their offices for the slow rate of speed.
For instance
, Bangladesh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
still
using Bedford buses which
was brought
to service in early 19th century.
Moreover
, they have become burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and it is obvious for the reign to replace them.

Again,
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are using more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. For every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, there is an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. These causing a great standstill situation all over when all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on the road at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to discourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
govern body might take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps like bringing attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
vehicles
are thrown
away.
For example
, In our country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
buses
are introduced
from north part of the Dhaka city to south part. After the introduction of the bus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commuters are using it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
luxurious like those are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
air conditioned
and seats are comfortable.

On the other hand
, if railway paths are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
then it will take less time to reach from one place to another.
In addition
, the users of train
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend less than the bus passenger as the ticket price are too low.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue for the construction of more rail lines and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better service and to decrease traffic jam it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should concentrate on recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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