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Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v.2

Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v. 2
In this modern era, several individuals do not know the value of natural world. I will discuss the reasons why and many ways to spread the importance of the natural world across the globe in my further paragraphs. To embark on, now-a-days children loved to play on their mobile itself rather than playing outside with friends which eventually hamper in their natural growth as well as they might suffer from some diseases such as Vitamin-D' deficiency and skin cancer a well. Although the children may not like to stand, walk or play under the sunlight, it is advisable for all individuals to take the first morning sunlight which will help them to increase their level of Vitamin-D' in their body. Lack of this vitamin in any individuals body, may not only cause skin cancer but also can have other serious issues such as bone loss, hair loss, back pain, muscle pain and depression as well. Moreover, most of the people are all dependent on technology more, for instance while purchasing household things people do not go the market rather they order it online because it saves their time and energy as well. But, are they aware of the upcoming threats, for not doing much activity outside their house? Furthermore, to spread the value of natural world, outdoor activities such as football, volleyball, athletic and many more outdoor games should be given vital importance in all schools and colleges. Government can also take the help of media to spread the same through some realistic advertisement in television. Nevertheless, individuals can also change their way of living as well as teach their children about the same.
In this modern era, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not know the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world. I will discuss the reasons why and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to spread the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world across the globe in my
further
paragraphs.

To embark on,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to play on their mobile itself
rather
than playing outside with friends which
eventually
hamper in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
growth as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they might suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vitamin-D&
#039; deficiency and skin cancer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. Although the children may not like to stand, walk or play under the sunlight, it is advisable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to take the
first
morning sunlight which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase their level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vitamin-D&
#039; in their body. Lack of this vitamin in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
body, may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause skin cancer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can have other serious issues such as bone loss, hair loss, back pain, muscle pain and depression as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Moreover
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are all dependent on technology more,
for instance
while purchasing household things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not go the market
rather
they order it online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it saves their time and energy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, are they aware of the upcoming threats, for not doing much activity outside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
?

Furthermore
, to spread the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world, outdoor activities such as football, volleyball, athletic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more outdoor games should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
vital importance in all schools and colleges.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
also
take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of media to spread the same through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
realistic advertisement in television.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their way of living as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as teach their children about the same.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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