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Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles 1
These days, the deficiency in cooperative communication of workers is a concern of many companies. The education and design of the workplace are regarded as primary reasons; therefore, I believe that changes in curriculum at school as well as policies in companies can address this issue. There are two principal causes of the lack of teamwork spirit. The exclusive attention to academic subjects hinders students from learning fundamental soft skills. Due to the desire for high scores and ranks at school, they tend to allocate a great amount of time for studying theories in books and doing exercise. Consequently, extracurricular activities that offer essential skills are undermined. The second reason is that employees in recent years are given their own cubicles which separate them from the others. As a result, they can have their privacy, but simultaneously sever the connections among colleagues. In order to solve this problem, one of the possible solution is to practice public speaking. For instance, whether you work in IT, customer service, construction, or any other industry, you will need to be able to communicate clearly and effectively. This can be achieved by attending some training and taking part in various conferences. Another fix is good active listening. While you need to be able to express your own ideas, you also need to thoughtfully listen to the ideas of others. This will help your client, employers and management feel respected and valued. In conclusion, ways of teaching and grading at school and inappropriate workplace design are mainly attributed to the lack of interpersonal skills. My view is that both schools and businesses should alter their conventional methods to alleviate this problem.
These days, the deficiency in cooperative communication of workers is a concern of
many
companies
. The education and design of the workplace
are regarded
as primary reasons;
therefore
, I believe that
changes
in curriculum at
school
as well
as policies in
companies
can address this issue.

There are two principal causes of the lack of teamwork spirit. The exclusive attention to academic subjects hinders students from learning fundamental soft
skills
. Due to the desire for high scores and ranks at
school
, they tend to allocate a great amount of time for studying theories in books and doing exercise.
Consequently
, extracurricular activities that offer essential
skills
are undermined
. The second reason is that employees in recent years are
given
their
own
cubicles which separate them from the others.
As a result
, they can have their privacy,
but
simultaneously
sever the connections among colleagues.

In order to solve this problem, one of the possible solution is to practice public speaking.
For instance
, whether you work in IT, customer service, construction, or any other industry, you will need to be able to communicate
clearly
and
effectively
. This can
be achieved
by attending
some
training and taking part in various conferences. Another
fix
is
good
active listening. While you need to be able to express your
own
ideas
, you
also
need to
thoughtfully
listen to the
ideas
of others. This will
help
your client, employers and management feel respected and valued.

In conclusion
, ways of teaching and grading at
school
and inappropriate workplace design are
mainly
attributed to the lack of interpersonal
skills
. My view is that both
schools
and businesses should alter their conventional methods to alleviate this problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the government should construct more railway tracks while others think they should improve existing vehicles 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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