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Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v.2

Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v. 2
people believe that higher institutions should focus on academic topics such as geography, physics, a section of mass supports the idea of inclusion of practical subjects like engineering, medical science and culinary skills etc. in university. I will scrutinize both the aspects before forming an opinion at the end. To embark on, history, geography and physical science are subjects that are mainly useful in Arts stream. These subjects have usages in the field of politics, artifacts, archology etc. No one can deny the importance of physical science in sports. For instance, in cricket everything is related to physics because at what speed one need to bowl to have significant bouncer, at what force one need to hit a ball to score maximum run. If an institute do not focus on physics, then we may not able to apply for betterment of sports. Furthermore, through history we can teach our student about our ancestor – their achievement and failure – which eventually help our new generation to prepare better course of action. However, can anyone deny the benefit of engineering and medical science? Can anyone argue that tasty food delighted our mind? Engineering, medical, design and good culinary skills are not easy to develop in one day. This should be taught systematic way in universities with all practical session because theoretical study can only be fruitful only if we try to check the practicality. Therefore, higher study center must concentrate on practical subjects like car or mobile manufacturing and design as these subjects are on high demand in today’s fast pace society. To recapitulate, although the need of history and physical science are required to have heathy society, no one can deny the importance of medical and engineering. I believe university should cover both aspects with equal importance, as both subjects are required to have a healthy and prosper nation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
believe that higher institutions should focus on academic topics such as geography, physics, a section of mass supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of inclusion of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and culinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etc. in university. I will scrutinize both the aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To embark on, history, geography and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
mainly
useful in Arts stream. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have usages in the field of politics, artifacts,
Possible spelling mistake found.
archology
etc. No one can deny the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in sports.
For instance
, in cricket everything
is related
to physics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at what speed one need to bowl to have significant bouncer, at what force one need to hit a ball to score maximum run. If an institute do not focus on physics, then we may not able to apply for betterment of sports.
Furthermore
, through history we can teach our student about our ancestor
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
their achievement and failure
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our new generation to prepare better course of action.

However
, can anyone deny the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
? Can anyone argue that tasty food delighted our mind?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
, design and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
culinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not easy to develop in one day. This should
be taught
systematic way in universities with all practical session
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
theoretical study can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be fruitful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if we try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the practicality.
Therefore
, higher study center
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like car or mobile manufacturing and design as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are on high demand in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace society.

To recapitulate, although the need of history and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are required
to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
society, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. I believe university should cover both aspects with equal importance, as both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are required
to have a healthy and prosper nation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that higher institutions should concentration more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, etc. Discuss v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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