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Imagine you could improve the town where you live by changing one important thing about it. Which of the following would you choose to do? •Build additional parks•Construct more libraries•Improve public transportation v.1

Imagine you could improve the town where you live by changing one important thing about it. Which of the following would you choose to do? •Build additional parks•Construct more libraries•Improve public transportation v. 1
Nowadays, most of the youngsters are glued to television screen most time of the day. Many support the view that guardians should restrict the television time for their offsprings as this has a negative effect on them. I completely agree with this narrative, because this affects both their mental and physical health, and also diverts their minds from productive activities. One of the biggest challenges faced in parenting is to bring up their descendants in the age of television. Due to a wide variety of entertaining content available over the push of a button, our younger generation prefers to stay at home watching these. This, kind of, addictive habit hinders them to go participate in outdoor sports activities, which affects their cognitive and dextral abilities. For example, if a child spends his evening watching television rather than playing with his friends, he would not only, slowly, suffer from weakened muscular development, but also suffer from social disconnection. Thus, depriving of them from important physical and emotional development. Another issue associated with this is the lack of focus towards studies and other fruitful activities. Many a times unrestricted access to television leads children to mismanaged time, and it makes them less focused on their studies which gravely affects their academic standing. For instance, a similar situation happened to my cousin Ali, he got himself so indulged into this series named "Breaking Bad" that he used to lock himself up and was used to watch it continuously for hours, but this habit of his resulted in the class demotion after he failed his final exam. If instead he had managed his time and had studied, this would not have had happened. Therefore, children should be allowed to get themselves entertained, but a balance between fun and work should always remain. In conclusion, Although television time these days have increased due to the variety of shows broadcasted every day, it is the parents' responsibility to manage the time allotted to television as well as other academic activities for the wellbeing of their young ones.
Nowadays, most of the youngsters
are glued
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
screen most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
support the view that guardians should restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
as this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this narrative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this affects both their mental and physical health, and
also
diverts their minds from productive activities.

One of the biggest challenges faced in parenting is to bring up their descendants in the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Due to a wide variety of entertaining content available over the push of a button, our younger generation prefers to stay at home watching these. This, kind of, addictive habit hinders them to go participate in outdoor sports activities, which affects their cognitive and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dextral
abilities.
For example
, if a child spends his evening watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than playing with his friends, he would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
slowly
, suffer from weakened muscular development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
suffer from social disconnection.
Thus
, depriving of them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
physical and emotional development.

Another issue associated with this is the lack of focus towards studies and other fruitful activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
unrestricted access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
leads children to mismanaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less focused on their studies which
gravely
affects their academic standing.
For instance
, a similar situation happened to my cousin Ali, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
indulged into this series named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Breaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to lock himself up and was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it
continuously
for hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this habit of his resulted in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
demotion after he failed his final exam. If
instead
he had managed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and had studied, this would not have had happened.
Therefore
, children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves entertained,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a balance between fun and work should always remain.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
these days have increased due to the variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
broadcasted every day, it is the parents' responsibility to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
allotted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as well
as other academic activities for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of their young ones.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Imagine you could improve the town where you live by changing one important thing about it. Which of the following would you choose to do? •Build additional parks•Construct more libraries•Improve public transportation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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