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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Successful persons try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v.865

“Successful persons try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v. 865
“By taking risk try to be different! ” My father used to advise me. I think, this plays the key role for being successful in every stage of life from education hood to work years. Although, for some, being different for succeeding requires try new things and take risks rather than only doing regular things, for others, doing ordinary things can open way to succeed. By comparison, how can recognize the best perspective? For judging, in my opinion, the former group are closer to victory due to having ambitious spirit to obtain what they want and not satisfying from present condition to make it better in future. To begin with, the most significant feature of successful persons is their personalities. They are extremely ambitious about their liking. They wish something, then whole heartedly go for that. One of these dreams which needs lots of risk is traveling abroad; my cosine narrated: “I cannot be here for my lifelong. I wish to go somewhere much better than here. She made her hometown a hell to nurse abroad as a heaven”. Had not she wanted her dream on the bottom of her heart, she would not have traveled abroad so far, maybe! Additionally, not satisfying that once was thought to characterize as … persons its existence perhaps leads to fulfilling better conditions. This feature also met in my cosine too. I remember her past; “I have lots of opportunities here; however, none of them is not satisfactory for me! Neither universities of here, nor its climate, nothing! ” She explained to me. After those nagging about her condition finally she went to her dream’s city. Now, she recognize as a successful person in her family’s eye. All in all, I contended that having ambitious spirit and not contending to present condition are two factors for taking lots of risks in life. These features is clear in successful persons, for those who met such high peak performers, isn’t that what you think, right?
“By taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
try to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
! ” My father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to advise me. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, this plays the key role for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in every stage of life from education hood to work years. Although, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for succeeding requires try new things and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doing regular things, for others, doing ordinary things can open way to succeed. By comparison, how can recognize the best perspective? For judging, in my opinion, the former group are closer to victory due to having ambitious spirit to obtain what they want and not satisfying from present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most significant feature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
is their personalities. They are
extremely
ambitious about their liking. They wish something, then whole
heartedly
go for that. One of these dreams which needs lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
is traveling abroad; my cosine narrated: “I cannot be here for my lifelong. I wish to go somewhere much better than here. She made her hometown a hell to nurse abroad as a heaven”. Had not she wanted her dream on the bottom of her heart, she would not have traveled abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, maybe!

Additionally
, not satisfying that once was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to characterize as …
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
its existence perhaps leads to fulfilling better conditions. This feature
also
met in my cosine too. I remember her past; “I have lots of opportunities here;
however
, none of them is not satisfactory for me! Neither universities of here, nor its climate, nothing! ” She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to me.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
those nagging about her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
finally
she went to her dream’s city.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "recognizes", "recognized".
recognize
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in her family’s eye.

All in all, I contended that having ambitious spirit and not contending to present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
are two factors for taking lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
in life. These features
You should probably use: "are".
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, for those who met such high peak performers, isn’t that what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, right?
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay “Successful persons try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well. v. 865

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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