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Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside, Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside, Others disagree. v. 2
All most all the news channels and papers today make use of photographs to illustrate their stories. Some opine that these pictures are useful to understand the news story than reading a paragraph about it. However, in my opinion, I believe limited amount photographs must be used to convey a news. To begin with, the pictures, add certain amount of clarity to a news either on a paper or a TV channel. If there is a photo related to a news it would be easier to understand the news that article trying to say. For instance, every story book has some sort of sketching to represent some parts of the story in order to help the reader to imagine the seen. Hence, a picture in a news story would add the same value to the news that the writer trying to provide. On the other hand, excessive amount of photos would mislead the reader. Some newspapers add many pictures, but do not explain them clearly. As a result, the reader has to build their own story, which in some occasions is not the true story. Same thing happens on news channels as well. For example, a news that has a photo of a person carrying a knife in his hand and a woman lying on the floor with blood. An observer might assume that this is the killer of the women lying on the ground. Yet, in real case it could be the husband trying to save his dying wife. Therefore, too much of photographs without proper explanation would create a different story. To recapitulate, although the pictures are useful to illustrate the news to the observer or reader in a more clear way, excessive use of those would always mislead them by giving a false message
Did you mean "almost"?
All most
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels and papers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of photographs to illustrate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
are useful to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
than reading a paragraph about it.
However
, in my opinion, I believe limited amount photographs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to convey
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
certain amount of clarity to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
either on a paper or a TV channel.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
there is a photo related to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
it would be easier to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that article trying to say.
For instance
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
book has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of sketching to represent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the reader to imagine the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
Hence
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
picture
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the same value to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that the writer trying to provide.

On the other hand
, excessive amount of photos would mislead the reader.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
newspapers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them
clearly
.
As a result
, the reader
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions is not the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
. Same thing happens on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels
as well
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that has a photo of a person carrying a knife in his hand and a woman lying on the floor with blood. An observer might assume that this is the killer of the women lying on the ground.
Yet
, in real case it could be the husband trying to save his dying wife.
Therefore
, too much of photographs without proper explanation would create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
story.

To recapitulate, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
are useful to illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to the observer or reader in a more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
way, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of those would always mislead them by giving a false message
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families and spend less time entertaining outside, Others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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