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Some people believe that young people should follow the older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that young people should follow the older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 1
Particularly in developing countries, the proportion of inhabitants in their twenties and thirties has reached an unprecedented level. Those who analyse demographic changes point to both positives and negatives connected with this shift. Whilst seeing potential drawbacks, I consider that, on balance, this increase in the percentage of younger people is beneficial. It would be wrong to deny that this situation brings challenges. It results in limited economic opportunities, and younger individuals can become frustrated if they are unemployed or have to live in cramped conditions with family members because they cannot afford decent accommodation. This may cause disharmony within society. However, the enormous economic, social and political rewards of a predominantly youthful population should not be overlooked. Those who have recently graduated make excellent employees. They are innovative, creative and dynamic. They can introduce new ways of working which make companies more productive and profitable. In addition, a society containing large numbers of younger adults tends to be freer, livelier and more open. Such individuals usually have more energy and their determination to enjoy life affects everyone positively. Finally, there is no denying that those below the age of forty are more likely to fight for positive political change. They campaign against injustice and inequality, and demonstrate against older politicians who seen not to care about climate change. It is principally the young who support women's rights, measures to tackle poverty and a ban on single-use plastics. In conclusion, I would argue that although difficulties may arise if younger people feel they have few options or rights, a culture containing a significant number of younger individuals will generally be happier, healthier, and more prosperous. Middle-aged and elderly people should welcome this state of affairs rather than fearing it.
Particularly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the proportion of inhabitants in their twenties and thirties has reached an unprecedented level. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
demographic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
point to both positives and negatives connected with this shift. Whilst seeing potential drawbacks, I consider that, on balance, this increase in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is beneficial.

It would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to deny that this situation brings challenges. It results in limited economic opportunities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
individuals can become frustrated if they
are unemployed
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cramped conditions with family members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford decent accommodation. This may cause disharmony within society.

However
, the enormous economic, social and political rewards of a
predominantly
youthful population should not
be overlooked
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have recently graduated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
excellent employees. They are innovative, creative and dynamic. They can introduce new ways of working which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
more productive and profitable.
In addition
, a society containing large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
adults tends to be freer, livelier and more open. Such individuals
usually
have more energy and their determination to enjoy life affects everyone
positively
.
Finally
, there is no denying that those below the age of forty are more likely to fight for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. They campaign against injustice and inequality, and demonstrate against older politicians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
not to care about climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. It is
principally
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
support women's rights, measures to tackle poverty and a ban on single-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
plastics.

In conclusion
, I would argue that although difficulties may arise if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel they have few options or rights, a culture containing a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
individuals will
generally
be happier, healthier, and more prosperous. Middle-aged and elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should welcome this state of affairs
rather
than fearing it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people should follow the older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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