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Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. 1
It is considered by many that seniors' opinion should be followed by youth, whereas a school of thoughts opine that it has become common that juveniles argue with their grandparents. I personally believe that adolescents should consult old masses and move on their footsteps in certain cases, and intend to discuas both viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, teenagers would not go astray, if they prefer to take advice from old masses while taking important decisions. Thereason being, young individuals due to less exposure of life lack maturity, whereas old people can analyse pros and cons of a particular task instantly. For instance, with the help of aged people children after 18 become able to choose course of their interest, otherwise majority of them possess herd mentality these days, which may lead to have detrimental effects on them. Apart from this, in modern time young people have been suffering from lack of patience, and thus solely elderly people's teachings can inculcate such values in them. It is undeniable that youngsters often try to give up on small failures but experienced persons' real life examples can make them enable to understand failure is a stepping stone to success. To illustrate, if children come to know that their grandfathers became successful businessman or professionals after frequent trials and downfalls in their life, they will get motivated and patient and will not drop their studies when remain unsuccessful. On the contrary, teenagers can raise their voice against orthodox thinking of elderly people since some of them still believe that girls should be confined in the four walls of home, argument against this is justifiable as per the conditions of today's era. Nowadays, certain parts of the world have been trying to create an egalitarian society, wher women have equal right to that of men as they are studying in the same colleges as well as doing the same quality jobs that of males. Consequently, challenging old persons with stereotype thoughts is justifiable which in turn help young children to face the competitive globe. Moreover, sometimes grandparents try to impose strict discipline on their grandchildren including stress on wearing traditional clothes not watching movies which is a trend in the contemporary world. Eventually, children above 18 would challenge in order to compete their agemates. In conclusion, although some of the gray people still want to let their grandchildren follow bygone era customs, I strongly feel that one must move on their footsteps particularly in sensitive situations, for they have enrich experience of life.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that seniors' opinion should
be followed
by youth, whereas a school of thoughts opine that it has become common that juveniles argue with their grandparents. I
personally
believe that adolescents should consult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on their footsteps in certain cases, and intend to
Possible spelling mistake found.
discuas
both viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs.

To embark with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would not go astray, if they prefer to take advice from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses while taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thereason
being, young individuals due to less exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lack maturity, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
pros and cons of a particular task
instantly
.
For instance
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after 18 become able to choose course of their interest,
otherwise
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them possess herd mentality these days, which may lead to have detrimental effects on them. Apart from this, in modern time young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been suffering from lack of patience, and
thus
solely
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's teachings can inculcate such values in them. It is undeniable that youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try to give up on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
failures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
experienced persons' real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
examples can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them enable to understand failure is a stepping stone to success. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know that their grandfathers became successful businessman or professionals after frequent trials and downfalls in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated and patient and will not drop their studies when remain unsuccessful.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can raise their voice against orthodox thinking of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
still
believe that girls should
be confined
in the four walls of home, argument against this is justifiable as per the conditions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era. Nowadays, certain parts of the world have been trying to create an egalitarian society,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wher
women have equal right to that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
as they are studying in the same colleges
as well
as doing the same quality jobs that of males.
Consequently
, challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
persons with stereotype thoughts is justifiable which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to face the competitive globe.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
grandparents try to impose strict discipline on their grandchildren including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on wearing traditional clothes not watching movies which is a trend in the contemporary world.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
above 18 would challenge in order to compete their
Possible spelling mistake found.
agemates
.

In conclusion
, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
gray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their grandchildren follow bygone era customs, I
strongly
feel that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on their footsteps
particularly
in sensitive situations, for they have
Use past participle here: "enriched".
enrich
experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Should young people follow older people’s example or it’s good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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