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Some people believe that young people should follow older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe that young people should follow older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. 1
It is certainly true that the number of overweight people is growing in some countries, and this problem affects levels of well-being fitness. There are several causes this problem and various measures can be tackled by the government and individuals to improve this situation. More and more people have been obesity, due to many causes. Firstly, young people usually opt to eat fast food because it is convenient; however, if people consume too much prepackaged snacks, it will affect the state of health. For example, America is one of the countries where there are many overweight citizens due to eating a lot of starchy products. Secondly, people are too busy with their working in modern life; therefore, they are lazy exercise usually. Obviously, sedentary lifestyle will make fitness of people becoming weaker. For instance, office jobs require people to sit long hours and less activity; thus, this causes the obesity disease. There is some the method to solve this problem. The first point, nutritious food helps people to keep down weight; so, people should choose to eat food the wealth of protein such as fish, fruit and cutting out processed cooking. To illustrate, people should add a great deal of vegetables into the meal because they contain less calories. Finally, the administration encourages inhabitants to lose weight through behaviour change. Obviously, exercise plays a vital role in controlling weight and preventing obesity; therefore, the government need to give necessary information to improve overweight status of citizens. In conclusion, the consumption of unhealthy food and physical inaction cause increasing overweight rate in countries; nevertheless, this trouble can be improved by the government and individuals such as people should consume lots of vegetables and usually exercise.
It is
certainly
true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is growing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, and this problem affects levels of well-being fitness. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
this problem and various measures can
be tackled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.

More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been obesity, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
opt to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is convenient;
however
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume too much prepackaged snacks, it will affect the state of health.
For example
, America is one of the countries where there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
citizens due to eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
starchy products.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too busy with their working in modern life;
therefore
, they are lazy exercise
usually
.
Obviously
, sedentary lifestyle will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming weaker.
For instance
, office jobs require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sit long hours and less activity;
thus
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the obesity disease.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the method to solve this problem. The
first
point, nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
down weight;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
the wealth of protein such as fish, fruit and cutting out processed cooking. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a great deal of vegetables into the meal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contain
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
.
Finally
, the administration encourages inhabitants to lose weight through
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Obviously
, exercise plays a vital role in controlling weight and preventing obesity;
therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to give necessary information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
status of citizens.

In conclusion
, the consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and physical inaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
rate in countries;
nevertheless
, this trouble can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consume lots of vegetables and
usually
exercise.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people should follow older generation’s example. Others, however, disagree and believe that it’s good to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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