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International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
A large number of criminals who serve their first prison sentence, leave prison only to re offend. This is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation and difficulty finding regular employment once released. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the criminals who re offend. Firstly, the reason for most first time offenders committing crimes again, once they have been released from prison is, due to the lack of rehabilitation whilst in prison. In other words, offenders are not given a chance to retrain and learn news skills for their future and develop a deeper understanding of correct moral behaviour and instead mix with other criminals, which only strengthens their criminal intentions. Secondly, repeat offending is also owing to the difficulty in finding employment after being released. As a result, many of them struggle financially, which leads them back to crime regardless of the consequences. There are two effective solutions to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that all criminals entering prison are given a chance to retrain with useful skills which will hopefully ensure them a job after they have served their sentence. By doing this, it will help them reintegrate back into society and give them some means of supporting themselves financially. Another method of dealing with the criminals who re offend is to have more supervision and checks in place when they are back and society. This solution would hopefully prevent them from taking any chances and deter them re offending because they are being so closely watched. In conclusion, having trained in prison and also close observation when first time offenders are released are effective in dealing with this issue. If governments implemented these solutions crime rate figures would soon drop.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who serve their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to re offend. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of rehabilitation and difficulty finding regular employment once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
which should
be implemented
to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who re offend.

Firstly
, the reason for most
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
committing crimes again, once they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is, due to the lack of rehabilitation whilst in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain and learn news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future and develop a deeper understanding of correct moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
instead
mix with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthens their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
intentions.
Secondly
, repeat offending is
also
owing to the difficulty in finding employment after being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them struggle
financially
, which leads them back to crime regardless of the consequences.

There are two effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to the problem of repeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
. One way to tackle this is to ensure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain with useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
hopefully
ensure them a job after they have served their sentence. By doing this, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them reintegrate back into society and give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
means of supporting themselves
financially
. Another method of dealing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who re offend is to have more supervision and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
in place when they are back and society. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
would
hopefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from taking any chances and deter them re offending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
closely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
.

In conclusion
, having trained in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and
also
close observation when
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
are effective in dealing with this issue.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
implemented these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
crime rate figures would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
drop.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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