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Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1
Increasing the number of women who are choosing a job in military or police forces has made a controversial dispute. Some believe women have the right to opt for their occupation freely in these fields, while many consider these sorts of professions are not appropriate for women. I completely agree with the former point of view and think that women should be able to pursue what they have keen on. Many people believe that women cannot be employed in the defense force. This is because arguably, females neither have physical requirements nor mental capabilities as men. They think women cannot cope with the difficulties that these fields have and claim sports competitions and their records indicate a significant difference in men's and women's capabilities. They advise women should do some girly activities such as babysitting or doing household and do not put their feet in occupations that strengthen their physical limitations or is a challenge for them. On the other hand, lots of individuals explain that women should have the same right as men to choose their profession. Moreover, they are considering people should be chosen for jobs according to their skills, qualifications, character, and capabilities. For instance, even in the militaries, some posts require more concentration and trials that have been approved female performance are quite better than men. I would argue that police and military work requires more than just physical strength. Teamwork, interaction with others and remain calm in critical situations can be much more important. In conclusion, I reaffirm my position, having equal opportunity to pursue your favorite job is one of the initial human rights and women have the right to opt jobs in militaries and police forces.
Increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in military or police forces has made a controversial dispute.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to opt for their occupation
freely
in these fields, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consider these sorts of professions are not appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former point of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be able to pursue what they have keen on.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot
be employed
in the defense force. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
arguably
, females neither have physical requirements nor mental capabilities as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot cope with the difficulties that these fields have and claim sports competitions and their records indicate a significant difference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's and women's capabilities. They advise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
girly
activities such as babysitting or doing household and do not put their feet in occupations that strengthen their physical limitations or is a challenge for them.

On the other hand
, lots of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to choose their profession.
Moreover
, they are considering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be chosen
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, qualifications, character, and capabilities.
For instance
, even in the militaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
posts require more concentration and trials that have
been approved
female performance are quite better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. I would argue that police and military work requires more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
physical strength. Teamwork, interaction with others and remain calm in critical situations can be much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, I reaffirm my position, having equal opportunity to pursue your favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is one of the initial human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in militaries and police forces.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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