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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1
In recent years gender equality in employment has been the topic of heated debate. While some may argue that women are less suited for certain jobs such as with the police or the military, I believe that female candidates should be treated the same as their male counterparts. Those who consider women to be unsuited for some kinds of jobs including the police or the military often hold that opinion because such jobs are extremely physically demanding. As the female body has smaller muscles and less physical strength compared to male body, women may have difficulty engaging in strenuous activity which can be exhausting even for men. In military service, female soldiers are more likely to struggle while defending themselves than their male peers when they are forced to move around carrying heavy firearms in the battle, which can increase their risk of mission failure. Because of the hazards and extreme conditions they may encounter, some people advocate that women are not suitable for work in these fields. Nevertheless, I believe that female applicants should be considered for police or military placements without a gender bias, because women are more suited to certain tasks. In the police service, female officers can perform important roles on some occasions such as a body search where male officers are restricted from touching female convicts. In the military service, female nursing staff are more likely to care better for injured soldiers since maternal instinct makes them dedicated and heart-warming professionals. Furthermore, for the sake of fairness to all, job seekers should have an equal opportunity to choose their jobs freely, regardless of gender. Many women have the desire to work in the police and the military and some of them have relevant expertise and qualifications. Therefore, they should not be discriminated against in employment opportunities for these jobs. In conclusion, although some say that women are incompatible with police and military duties because of the high physical demands, I believe that they should be treated as equal to men. This is because there are certain roles with the police and the military that are more suitable for women than men, and therefore both genders should have equal employment opportunities.
In recent years gender equality in employment has been the topic of heated debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
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women
are less suited for certain
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jobs
such as with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or the military, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
candidates should
be treated
the same as their male counterparts.

Those who consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
be unsuited
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
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jobs
including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or the military
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hold that opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
extremely
physically
demanding. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
body has smaller muscles and less physical strength compared to male body,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may have difficulty engaging in strenuous activity which can be exhausting even for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In military service,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
soldiers are more likely to struggle while defending themselves than their male peers when they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around carrying heavy firearms in the battle, which can increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of mission failure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the hazards and extreme conditions they may encounter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable for work in these fields.

Nevertheless
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
applicants should
be considered
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or military placements without a gender bias,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more suited to certain tasks. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
service,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
officers can perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions such as a body search where male officers
are restricted
from touching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
convicts. In the military service,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
nursing staff are more likely to care better for injured soldiers since maternal instinct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them dedicated and heart-warming professionals.
Furthermore
, for the sake of fairness to all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers should have an equal opportunity to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
freely
, regardless of gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have the desire to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and the military and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have relevant expertise and qualifications.
Therefore
, they should not
be discriminated
against in employment opportunities for these jobs.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are incompatible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and military duties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high physical demands, I believe that they should
be treated
as equal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are certain roles with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and the military that are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and
therefore
both genders should have equal employment opportunities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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