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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1
While some individuals think that women should be considered as suitable as men in the military or police when they are applying for job opportunities, others argue that women are not efficient enough for this kind of jobs. Considering the safety of women offenders, i believe the military or police needs women forces as much as they need men forces. On the one hand, women police are needed in some cases such as women jails or handling women criminals. Many criminal cases included women offenders; to handle these people it might be better for their safety to use women police officers. More specifically, if we give all the jobs related to keeping women offenders in jails to men, we might increase the risk of sexual harrashment from men police officers. For example, by replacing the men police forces with the womens officers, USA has decreased the amount of sexual harrashment in jails to the half in the last decade. on the other hand, bearing the difficulities in some conditions such as war places might be harder for women as their nature are more sentimental. Some conditions such as seeing people's death are hard for both men and women. But, women might conflict more with this situations, and this might lead to some mental health problems. Take last report of depression rates among US soldiers as an example, the number of women force got depression was far higher than men. To conclude, however, some people believe that women are not suitable enough for jobs related to the military or police, others think women should be treated same when they are beeing hired. I agree with the second opinion as using women forces in women jails will decrease a huge number of sexual harrashment.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be considered
as suitable as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the military or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
when they are applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Considering the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
offenders,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe the military or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
as much as they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
forces.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
are needed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jails
or handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
criminals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
criminal cases included
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
offenders; to handle these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be better for their safety to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officers. More
specifically
, if we give all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
offenders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jails
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of sexual
Possible spelling mistake found.
harrashment
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officers.
For example
, by replacing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
officers, USA has decreased the amount of sexual
Possible spelling mistake found.
harrashment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jails
to the half in the last decade.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, bearing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
difficulities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions such as war places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be harder for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as their nature are more sentimental.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
conditions such as seeing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's death are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
conflict more with
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental health problems. Take last report of depression rates among US soldiers as an example, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depression was far higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

To conclude
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to the military or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be treated
same when they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
beeing
hired. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second opinion as using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jails
will decrease a huge number of sexual
Possible spelling mistake found.
harrashment
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1