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Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2
There is no doubt that women nowadays are playing an increasingly significant role in our society, in particular by taking up employment in sectors which were mainly male dominated. While some are of the opinion that women are not suited for police or military forces, I would agree that they should be given an equal chance. Many believe that woman cannot be employed in defence force. This is because arguably, the female does not have the strength and stamina for such a strenuous job. For instance, in sport competitions, the difference in physical strength is obvious. Some men can run faster and stronger than their female counterparts. Consequently, people on this view think that a woman’s place is better at doing stereotypical work such as being a teacher or a carer. However, I believe that women should be given the opportunity to participate in the police or military forces. The reason for this is that women possess other attributes that can be of benefits to those sectors. For instance, a woman is likely to be more inclined to being nurturing and caring; such traits are ideal for female medics in the army. Moreover, a female presence is more appropriately in certain circumstances. A fitting example is that in the airport, a policewoman should be check female passenger for security matter. Thus, this builds more trust and imparts a sense of security to the test taker. In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance, however I tend to believe that women should be able to participate equally in defence forces as they have other traits and qualities that men do not possess.
There is no doubt that
women
nowadays are playing an
increasingly
significant role in our society,
in particular
by taking up employment in sectors which were
mainly
male dominated. While
some
are of the opinion that
women
are not suited for police or military
forces
, I would
agree
that they should be
given
an equal chance.

Many
believe that woman cannot
be employed
in
defence
force
. This is
because
arguably
, the
female
does not have the strength and stamina for such a strenuous job.
For instance
, in sport competitions, the difference in physical strength is obvious.
Some
men
can run faster and stronger than their
female
counterparts.
Consequently
,
people
on this view
think
that a woman’s place is better at doing stereotypical work such as being a teacher or a carer.

However
, I believe that
women
should be
given
the opportunity to participate in the police or military
forces
.
The reason for this is
that
women
possess other attributes that can be of benefits to those sectors.
For instance
, a woman is likely to be more inclined to being nurturing and caring; such traits are ideal for
female
medics in the army.
Moreover
, a
female
presence is more
appropriately
in certain circumstances. A fitting example is that in the airport, a policewoman should be
check
female
passenger for security matter.
Thus
, this builds more trust and imparts a sense of security to the
test
taker.

In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
I tend to believe that
women
should be able to participate
equally
in
defence
forces
as they have other traits and qualities that
men
do not possess.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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