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Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discussion both side. v.1

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discussion both side. v. 1
People have different views regarding whether the school ought to focus in competition or in cooperation as a team. This essay aims to see both side perspectives. On one hand, who learn to compete in school often do better. They learned to develop their skills and confidence, since children feel challenged when they have direct competition with their classmate. For example, the recent studies show that the student who expose more in competing. Improves their creativity in solving problems that will help them later in life. Furthermore, it is commonly believed this kind of skills are vital to succeed as an adult, and can be used as skills in competing in the job market. On the other hand, it often taught that is better if children focus on cooperating with others in a team. Since we are always dealing with each other, we should teach also to socialize and how to deal with others. Another reason, why this is beneficial in life, it helps to develop their personality in negotiating and confronting conflicts in a constructive way. This skill might be useful in their future. In conclusion, many people think children need to become more competitive, whereas others think it is best for a child to focus on working together.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding whether the school ought to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
competition or in cooperation as a team. This essay aims to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both side perspectives.

On one hand, who learn to compete in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do better. They learned to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and confidence, since children feel challenged when they have direct competition with their classmate.
For example
, the recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the student who expose more in competing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improves
their creativity in solving problems that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them later in life.
Furthermore
, it is
commonly
believed this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are vital to succeed as an adult, and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in competing in
the job market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taught
that is
better if children focus on cooperating with others in a team.

Since we are always dealing with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, we should teach
also
to socialize and how to deal with others. Another reason, why this is beneficial in life, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop their personality in negotiating and confronting conflicts
Consider replacing "in a constructive way" with the adverb for "constructive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a constructive way
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
might be useful in their future.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
children need to become more competitive, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is best for a child to focus on working together.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discussion both side. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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