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Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2
A military job is a physically tasking one. It requires a lot of strength and alertness, but do these make the female gender less suitable for the jobs in the Police or the military? This essay will discuss both point of views, but in my own opinion, there are roles in the military, in which a woman will fit in perfectly, which does not make them unfit for a police or military job. Feminism is actually the belief of equal rights between the male and female genders. It preaches equality; that is, for everything a man is entitled to, so is a woman. However, applying for a job with the police or the military should not be an exception to feminism. For example, women are beginning to occupy top positions in the Finance industry; the Managing Director of First Bank is a woman. Also, the Chairman of Guaranty Trust Bank is a woman. This reflects the chances the chances been given to women these days. On the contrary, women are known not to possess as much strength as the men. Therefore, there are certain jobs which require a lot of strength because it is physically tasking, which women could be advised not to apply for. For instance, the Nigerian Police Force requires a lot of patrol, some police officers are stationed on the highway to control traffic flow. Such rigorous jobs are not suitable for the female gender. Hence, job roles should be sometimes be selected according to gender types. In conclusion, this essay discussed the reasons why there should be equity in job applications. It also discussed why some job roles are not suitable for the women, strength-wise. Personally, I believe every individual, regardless of his gender, should pursue his career dreams without any hindrances.
A military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a
physically
tasking one. It requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strength and alertness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the female gender less suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Police
or the military? This essay will discuss both point of views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, there are roles in the military, in which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
will fit in
perfectly
, which does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unfit for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or military job.

Feminism is actually the belief of equal rights between the male and female genders. It preaches equality;
that is
, for everything a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is entitled
to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
.
However
, applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or the military should not be an exception to feminism.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are beginning to occupy top positions in the Finance industry; the Managing Director of
First
Bank is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
.
Also
, the Chairman of Guaranty Trust Bank is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. This reflects
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "the chances".
the chances the chances
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
these days.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are known
not to possess as much strength as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Therefore
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
physically
tasking, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could
be advised
not to apply for.
For instance
, the Nigerian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Police
Force requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
patrol,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officers
are stationed
on the highway to control traffic flow. Such rigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not suitable for the female gender.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
roles should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be selected
according to gender types.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the reasons why there should be equity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applications. It
also
discussed why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
roles are not suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, strength-wise.
Personally
, I believe every individual, regardless of his gender, should pursue his career dreams without any hindrances.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should be threated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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