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Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v.1

Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v. 1
The motivation that we have toward different tasks plays a fundamental role in shaping our lives. I personally think that we should sometimes do things that we do not enjoy. I think so for two reasons which I will explore in my following essay. First, I think that all things in life are correlated in a very tight way. Therefore, in order to get one thing, you have to do many other things which are not necessarily enjoyable. Moreover, sometimes the actions we do not enjoy are necessary for the sake of our lives. For example, there many people who do not like math at all but it's still compelling to learn the basics about math since it overlaps with many things in our daily life. The experience I had last year is a perfect example to demonstrate what I mean. I wanted to apply for a scholarship that gives consolation for high school students who want to study in the US. The worst part that it required me to do a lot of paper work. The paperwork itself seemed purposeless and very tiring for me. However, I did it all because I wanted to get that scholarship and It was worth it. Second, I believe that every action for something is an action against something else. The dark is simply the absence of light. On the same basis we can consider the enjoyable actions. We enjoy specific actions because they allow us to experience feelings that we cannot find them in other boring actions. Moreover, there should be a balance in our life in order to keep things on the right track. If we only did the things we desire, they will lose the motivation associated with them and they will no longer enjoy doing them. To conclude with, I think it is critically important that we sometimes do things that we do not enjoy. I think this way because two things. First sometimes we have to force our things into specific actions in order to get the desired. Second, the joy of specific actions is derived from its coexistence with the other dull actions.
The motivation that we have toward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks plays a fundamental role in shaping our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
do things that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for two reasons which I will explore in my following essay.

First
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that all things in life
are correlated
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tight way.
Therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one thing, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things which are not
necessarily
enjoyable.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
the actions we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
are necessary for the sake of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not like math at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's
still
compelling to learn the basics about math since it overlaps with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in our daily life. The experience I had last year is a perfect example to demonstrate what I mean. I wanted to apply for a scholarship that gives consolation for high school students who want to study in the US. The worst part that it required me to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
paper work. The paperwork itself seemed purposeless and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tiring for me.
However
, I did it all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that scholarship and It was worth it.

Second, I believe that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
for something is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
against something else. The dark is
simply
the absence of light. On the same basis we can consider the enjoyable actions. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
specific actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to experience feelings that we cannot find them in other boring actions.
Moreover
, there should be a balance in our life in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
things on the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did the things we desire, they will lose the motivation associated with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
doing them.

To conclude
with, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
do things that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
two things.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
force our things into specific actions in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired. Second, the joy of specific actions
is derived
from its coexistence with the other dull actions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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