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Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
Parents play a significant role in brought up of children and are considered as an early academy for kids. Some people think that the faster way to enhance the skills of children is to do enjoyable activity rather than reading. I shall throw light on both narratives. However, this essay opines that physical engagement with children can develop better skills. One of the main reason of doing practical activity is effective method because in early exploration stage, kids love to involve more in activities rather than sitting and reading books. Doing different brain storming tasks promotes brain development and imaginations. According to recent studies done by Forbes, physical tasks like playing video games can greatly enhance child's response and really help them to explore new options and think out of the box. Similarly, solving puzzles, one's brain is fully involved and forced children to think and concentrate. Creative activities like painting, dancing and athletics can really help children to test their abilities. Tasks like jumping, running and zip lining can strengthen child's muscles. On the other hand, by reading children learn new words every single day. Regular readers can improve children vocabulary and improve their concentration abilities. Furthermore, reading sharpens kids' memory and grasping things quickly. In conclusion, reading can be considered as a powerful tool of developing children skills only once they start going to school and understand what they are reading. But I believe during enjoyable tasks children not only fully participate, but also they can learn quickly.
Parents play a significant role in brought up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
are considered
as an early academy for kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the faster way to enhance the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is to do enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. I shall throw light on both narratives.
However
, this essay opines that physical engagement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

One of the main reason of doing practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is effective method
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in early exploration stage, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to involve more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than sitting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brain storming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
promotes brain development and imaginations. According to recent studies done by Forbes, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
like playing video games can
greatly
enhance child's response and
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to explore new options and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box.
Similarly
, solving puzzles, one's brain is
fully
involved and forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and concentrate. Creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like painting, dancing and athletics can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
their abilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tasks
like jumping, running and zip lining can strengthen child's muscles.

On the other hand
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn new words every single day. Regular readers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
vocabulary and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their concentration abilities.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
sharpens kids' memory and grasping things
quickly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
can
be considered
as a powerful tool of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
going to school and understand what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe during enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fully
participate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can learn
quickly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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