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Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v.2

Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v. 2
Social scientists have been debating over how children should spend their time when their parents do not have enough time to spend with them. Some believe that they should do their homework or other school materials in order to fortify their knowledge which pave the way to a bright future. From my vantage point, I believe that it is better for children to use that time to have fun playing games or sports because they can fortify their communication skills, and they can also raise their health status. First and foremost, by spending time playing sports or games with other children, they can learn how to communicate effectively. In our modern era, having a good interaction with others can help us to have a delightful future. Most prosperous and prominent people are really proficient in communication skills. Therefore, by engaging in group activities such as playing basketball, volleyball, and so forth, children can heighten their talents in this scope. Also, recently conducted research in the department of sociology in a prestigious university shows that students playing with their friends have better communication, oral, and verbal skills. Moreover, by playing video games or various sports, children can forget about the absence of their parents. We know that some children may nag about the absence of parents during the day and become vulnerable in the long run, but playing games and having fun can help them forget about this situation. Thus, the more they play in the absence of their parents, the better they can pass the time. Furthermore, doing sports can help children to have a healthier life. Nowadays, more children are exposed to severe health threats such as obesity, diabetes, respiratory issues, and so on. Due to dormancy, many children became obese and posed themselves in great health risks. Also, because of air pollution some children are become susceptible to lung problems. As a result, we should entice our children to participate in playing sports to help them become healthier. Having a healthier body can also help them to learn things much faster. A famous proverb in my country, Iran, says that " a healthy mind can only be found in a healthy body" . Therefore, it is better for children to allocate a suitable amount of time doing exercise. Consequently, should children assign enough time playing energetic sports, they will become physically and mentally healthy. Hence, not only can they become healthier, they can also become happier. All in all, although some people may believe that spending enough time in reading or doing home assignments have a lot of merits, I strongly believe that just sticking to studying is not bring about positive results. Can we have a good life without being healthy? Don' t we need some time to play and have fun?
Social scientists have been debating over how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they should do their homework or other school materials in order to fortify their knowledge which pave the way to a bright future. From my vantage point, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can fortify their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and they can
also
raise their health status.

First
and foremost, by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can learn how to communicate
effectively
. In our modern era, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interaction with others can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to have a delightful future. Most prosperous and prominent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
really
proficient in communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, by engaging in group activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
basketball, volleyball, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can heighten their talents in this scope.
Also
, recently conducted research in the department of sociology in a prestigious university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their friends have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
communication, oral, and verbal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can forget about the absence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. We know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may nag about the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during the day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
vulnerable in the long run,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and having fun can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them forget about this situation.
Thus
, the more they play in the absence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
they can pass the time.

Furthermore
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a healthier life. Nowadays, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to severe health threats such as obesity, diabetes, respiratory issues, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Due to dormancy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
became obese and posed themselves in great health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of air pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
susceptible to lung problems.
As a result
, we should entice our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
healthier. Having a healthier body can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn things much faster. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
proverb in my country, Iran, says that
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be found
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
body&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to allocate a suitable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing exercise.
Consequently
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
assign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
physically
and mentally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Hence
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
healthier, they can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
happier.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in reading or doing home assignments have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merits, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sticking to studying is not
Consider using a past participle here: "brought".
bring
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results. Can we have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life without being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
?
Possible spelling mistake found.
Don&
#039; t we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play and have fun?
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that when busy parent do not have enough time to spend with their children, the best use of time is to have fun playing games and sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolw v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
465 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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