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Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behavior. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. v.1

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behavior. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. v. 1
Nowadays, televisions have a significant role in the children’s childhood. It is often argued that the behaviour of children can be affected due to the content of the television, however, other disagree and think that how many hours they spent on watching the television may have a great influence. This essay agrees that children are more affected by whatever they watch on television. To begin with, most of the children try to behave as like as they had watched from television. Children try to mimic any character because they are not mature enough. In other words, while children watch any superhero characters, which are appealing to them, they try to adapt their behaviour because they do not have an idea of right and wrong things. For example, most of American children buy a get up of a Harry Porter, who is a great character of Hollywood movies, and then try to speak like him. On the other hand, some people think that the amount of hours has a more influenced on behaviour of children. If children watch television more time, they try to do all television things in their life. Children are not able to identify the difference between artificial world and real world, when they watch television a great number of hours regularly. For example, the European media survey has found that children, who watch television more than five hours, do not behave normally in such situations. In conclusion, I believe that content of television is directly affected to the personality of children, however, they may be used as a positively by showing some informative content.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
have a significant role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
childhood. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to the content of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
however
, other disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
they spent on watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may have a great influence. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
on television.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try to behave as like as they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
try to mimic any character
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
In other words
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
any superhero characters, which are appealing to them, they try to adapt their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things.
For example
, most of American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up of a Harry Porter, who is a great character of Hollywood movies, and then try to speak like him.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has a more influenced on
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
more time, they try to do all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
things in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not able to identify the difference between artificial world and real world, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
regularly
.
For example
, the European media survey has found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
more than five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, do not behave
normally
in such situations.

In conclusion
, I believe that content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to the personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a
positively
by showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
informative content.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behavior. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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