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Many people advocate not to use Facebook because of the social problems it creates. What are the benefits and drawbacks are using Facebook? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v.1

Many people advocate not to use Facebook because of the social problems it creates. What are the benefits and drawbacks are using Facebook? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v. 1
Recently, the debate on whether we should stop using Facebook in order to avoid creating social problems has been heated. As far as I am concerned, we should not stop using it. Firstly, Facebook can keep us up to date with no doubts. From Facebook, we can know the current issue and others’ point of view, this helps expose us to the current discussion. Moreover, by seeing comments made by other people, this allows us to see the perspective for them to look into the question. However, this may also lead to some drawbacks like fake news. Because of the technology booming, people can spread the information around the world within seconds, this also create a boom in the fake news. We barely have time to check do the fact check as the news are popping out at a high rate. Secondly, Facebook allows us to connect with the world. By using Facebook, we are able to share our view and make friends with people all around the world, this helps expands our friends circle. Nevertheless, this may also lead to some undesirable situation. Because of the convenience it has brought to us, some rioters in different countries may able to plan the chaos together, this would definitely threat our world. However, every coin has two sides, in my opinion, we should not stop using it since it might lead to some cons to us. Moreover, there are barely things which don’t have negative sides, even eating, we might also bear the risk of gaining weight, therefore, how can we stop using something just because we might take some consequences for it? Besides, I believe that all the problems cause by using Facebook can be solved or lighten by having more strict restriction and the application of some specific policies.
Recently, the debate on whether we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stop
using Facebook in order to avoid creating social problems has
been heated
. As far as I
am concerned
, we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stop
using it.

Firstly
, Facebook can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us up to date with no doubts. From Facebook, we can know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
’ point of view, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
expose us to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
discussion.
Moreover
, by seeing comments made by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the perspective for them to look into the question.
However
, this may
also
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks like fake news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the technology booming,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spread the information around the world within seconds, this
also
create a boom in the fake news. We
barely
have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
do the fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
as the news are popping out at a high rate.

Secondly
, Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to connect with the world. By using Facebook, we are able to share our view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all around the world, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
expands our friends circle.
Nevertheless
, this may
also
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undesirable situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the convenience it has brought to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rioters in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
Did you mean "may be able"?
may able
to plan the chaos together, this would definitely threat our world.

However
, every coin has two sides, in my opinion, we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stop
using it since it might lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons to us.
Moreover
, there are
barely
things which don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, even eating, we might
also
bear the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of gaining weight,
therefore
, how can we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stop
using something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we might take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences for it?
Besides
, I believe that all the problems cause by using Facebook can
be solved
or lighten by having more strict restriction and the application of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific policies.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people advocate not to use Facebook because of the social problems it creates. What are the benefits and drawbacks are using Facebook? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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