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Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. v. 1
In This day and age, technology has brought significant change in humanity's lives. Few Masses think that children's attitude is changed by box broadcasted. Another segment society says that spending excessive turn is responsible for altering children's behaviour. So I intend to explore that influence of both statements along with my point of view. To regard with one school thought that. Firstly, it is true that audio is broadcasted many things which are, some reliable and some are unnecessary as well as it has negative and positive outcomes. So, therefore, youth always does limitation of actions which are telecasted on television, even these scenes are related to hand washing steps, good diet although its about dangerous stunt, luxurious life and so on. As a result, through this practice, children can make their future better or ruin. Moving further with another segment believes that the past plays crucial role in everyone's life so people should use it wisely. Thus, if teenager spent a lot of points in front of the station, they may become irritable and disturbed. Which act as a rude or misbehaviour with their elder ones. As a ramification, they cannot make a strong relationship with their family members. Moreover, they can distract from study due to spending too much moment while watching video instead of pay attention to the study. As a consequence, they cannot obtain high grades in final exams which put negative impacts in order to cannot find good jobs. In conclusion, I restate that station gives many more valuable things with few unessential actions. Therefore, parents should keep eyes on their children's activities by this they may adopt very good habits.
In This day and age, technology has brought significant
change
in humanity's
lives
. Few Masses
think
that children's attitude is
changed
by box broadcasted. Another segment society says that spending excessive turn is responsible for altering children's
behaviour
.
So
I intend to explore that influence of both statements along with my point of view.

To regard with one school
thought
that.
Firstly
, it is true that audio
is broadcasted
many
things which are,
some
reliable and
some
are unnecessary
as well
as it has
negative
and
positive
outcomes.
So
,
therefore
, youth always does limitation of actions which are
telecasted
on television, even these scenes
are related
to hand washing steps,
good
diet although its about
dangerous
stunt, luxurious life and
so
on.
As a result
, through this practice, children can
make
their future better or ruin.

Moving
further
with another segment believes that the past plays crucial role in everyone's life
so
people
should
use
it
wisely
.
Thus
, if
teenager
spent
a lot of
points in front of the station, they may become irritable and disturbed. Which act as a rude or
misbehaviour
with their elder ones. As a ramification, they cannot
make
a strong relationship with their family members.
Moreover
, they can distract from study due to spending too much moment while watching video
instead
of pay attention to the study. As a consequence, they cannot obtain high grades in final exams which put
negative
impacts in order to cannot find
good
jobs.

In conclusion
, I restate that station gives
many
more valuable things with few unessential actions.
Therefore
, parents should
keep
eyes on their children's activities by this they may adopt
very
good
habits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behavior. v. 1

Essay
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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