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Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v.2

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 2
Nowadays, school curriculum includes different type of sports activities to equip students with other important skill sets. Arguably, a certain percentage of people think it is not required and fruitful to diverge their focus from education. On the other hand, few are in strong support of training younger generation and make a balance between sports and learning during schooling. In a current technological advanced world we have lost the importance of games and specifically outdoor games. Teenagers are more inclined towards video games and social media rather than going out and playing with their peers. Certainly, schools play a vital role in transforming this changing lifestyle. Overall, involving students in sporting activities help them to lead a healthy lifestyle and enable them to learn about nutrition to sustain the physical challenges of any game. Furthermore, being a part of the team and groups helps them develop skill sets like team work and drive them to become competitive to perform well. It not only helps them physically but also nourishes them mentally to push themselves beyond the limits. Contrary, some are not in favour of sports to be a part of education as daily school activity. It’s a basic belief that injuries involving sports can hinder education. Furthermore, some of them do not want to be part of a team and pursue sports as a hobby or profession. In some parts of the world, it is still not considered as a full time job and does not get credible recognition. Hence, parents are not keen to push their kids to pursue sports seriously. To sum up, sports help build numerous skill sets rather than only focusing on the physical aspect which can be vital in growing someone’s professional career. The benefits of students playing and becoming winners outweigh the drawbacks and fear of injuries. The confidence and zest and zeal to compete attained by striving in sports mostly outshines an average person.
Nowadays, school curriculum includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities to equip students with other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets.
Arguably
, a certain percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not required and fruitful to diverge their focus from education.
On the other hand
, few are in strong support of training younger generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and learning during schooling.

In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technological advanced world we have lost the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
specifically
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are more inclined towards video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and social media
rather
than going out and playing with their peers.
Certainly
, schools play a vital role in transforming this changing lifestyle.
Overall
, involving students in sporting activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to lead a healthy lifestyle and enable them to learn about nutrition to sustain the physical challenges of any game.
Furthermore
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the team and groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets like team work and drive them to become competitive to perform well. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nourishes them mentally to push themselves beyond the limits.

Contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of education as daily school activity. It’s a basic belief that injuries involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can hinder education.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them do not want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a team and pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a hobby or profession. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the world, it is
still
not considered as a full time job and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
credible recognition.
Hence
, parents are not keen to push their kids to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
seriously
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on the physical aspect which can be vital in growing someone’s professional career. The benefits of students playing and becoming winners outweigh the drawbacks and fear of injuries. The confidence and zest and zeal to compete attained by striving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
mostly
outshines an average person.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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