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Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 2
While managers used to work as long as they were alive, the recent decades have seen a rise in the number of senior employees, which has retired in the middle-age. It seems that enterprises are trying to motivate senior managers to step down in order to provide space for educated young people. Few people feel that humans can continue to function as long as they feel they have enough power to perform their assigned tasks. The experience they have gained over the years is a treasure trove and very valuable. These experiences can be very helpful to the company in critical time. There are some middle-aged people who are very energetic and dynamic in their performance. These people are very passionate about their job and love it. Older people are significantly more mature than young people and do not react emotionally to their decisions. With their experience, they can provide a calm, stress-free job environment for employees and greatly ameliorate the enterprise's productivity, while young people do not have the peace and quiet needed to make peace in the company environment and are often arrogant and stubborn. These are not good features for managing people at any level of the firm. Many people reckon that each of these senior employees can nurture many young people and pass on their cherished experiences to them. This will train a lot of valuable people, which will be very useful and effective for the company. In addition, the experiences of these employees, who is gradually getting older, will be well preserved and will remain in the company. By training such young people, the future of the company is guaranteed, and these middle-aged people can retire safely. Of course, there are many educated young people who are highly skilled in their field of study and, despite their youth, are more experienced and useful than many older managers. Not only do the presence of these managers in the job position after the age of 55 has no advantage for the company, but it also prevents the possibility of these young people entering the field of work. It appears undertakings are attempting to propel senior supervisors to step down in arranging to supply space for teaching youthful individuals.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work as long as they were alive, the recent decades have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which has retired in the middle-age. It seems that enterprises are trying to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
to step down in order to provide space for educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that humans can continue to function as long as they feel they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power to perform their assigned tasks. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
they have gained over the years is a treasure trove and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in critical time. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
energetic and dynamic in their performance. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate about their job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it. Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
significantly
more mature than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and do not react
emotionally
to their decisions. With their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, they can provide a calm,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free job environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
greatly
ameliorate the enterprise's productivity, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the peace and quiet needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
peace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
environment and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
arrogant and stubborn. These are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
features for managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at any level of the firm.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that each of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can nurture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and pass on their cherished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
to them. This will train
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and effective for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, who is
gradually
getting older, will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well preserved
and will remain in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. By training such

young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is guaranteed
, and these middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can retire
safely
.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
highly
skilled in their field of study and, despite their youth, are more experienced and useful than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the presence of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
in the job position after the age of 55 has no advantage for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the possibility of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering the field of work.

It appears undertakings are attempting to propel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
supervisors to step down in arranging to supply space for teaching youthful individuals.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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