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Some people believe that we can use animals the way we want while others believe animals have rights and we must respect their rights. What is your opinion. Use specific reasons to support your point of view. v.2

Some people believe that we can use animals the way we want while others believe animals have rights and we must respect their rights. What is your opinion. Use specific reasons to support your point of view. v. 2
Many people think that we can use animals whatever want while I believe that everybody must respect and treat animals with kindness and not make them suffer in any way. I believe that animals have rights to live according to their natures without abuse. To serve human life, people use some animals products which are expensive and rare. A fur coat, such as, comes from animals namely fox, honey badger, caught in traps. The process of producing a fur coat is really a crime. This raises many ethical controversies from animal protectors. Moreover, we exploits animals, especially endangered animals, will lead to an ecological crisis which will affect human life. For instance, the practice of shark is increasing every year. We harvests sharks for meat, cartilage, liver oil and fins used in medical. The killing of many sharks will cause oceanic ecosystem out of balance by virtue of becoming too great in some other creatures. Human and animals live on this planet together and always have a relationship. If we want animals respect us, we have to treat them the same way. If we do not halt the use of animals products, we will motivate to generate more alternative materials in the future, as well as new cures in medical. In conclusion, I believe that animals have rights to live happily without suffering and we must protect them under any circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
whatever want while I believe that everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect and treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with kindness and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them suffer in any way. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
according to their natures without abuse.

To serve human life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
products which are expensive and rare. A fur coat, such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
namely
fox, honey badger, caught in traps. The process of producing a fur coat is
really
a crime. This raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ethical controversies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protectors.

Moreover
, we
The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "exploit"
exploits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
especially
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, will lead to an ecological crisis which will affect human life.
For instance
, the practice of shark is increasing every year. We
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "harvest".
harvests
sharks for meat, cartilage, liver oil and fins
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in medical. The killing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sharks will cause oceanic ecosystem out of balance by virtue of becoming too great in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other creatures.

Human and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on this planet together and always have a relationship. If we want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
respect us, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
treat them the same way. If we do not halt the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
products, we will motivate to generate more alternative materials in the future,
as well
as new cures in medical.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
without
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
suffering and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
protect them under any circumstances.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that we can use animals the way we want while others believe animals have rights and we must respect their rights. What is your opinion. Use specific reasons to support your point of view. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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