Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn lot of money, others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both the views and give you own opinion. v.2

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn lot of money, others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 2
Nowadays, many people are earning enormous package but their personal lives have more troubles. However, some workers get meager salary with satisfied jobs enable them to deliver quality work. In the following passage, I will explain both the views before declaring my stance. Most of the corporate employees are drawing huge package, yet their family lives are having so much of internal issues. The expectation from the organization is beyond the limit where they spend less time with their children. For instance, my friend works at Amazon incorporation, he works for more than 12 hours a day, sacrificing important family occasions. Moreover, they need to constantly improve their knowledge to compete with their peers. Additionally, there is continues job risk which spoils many employee’s pleasures time. Also, constant pressure to deliver quality work can hinder their peace. Therefore, it is believed, employees earning huge package tend to lose family values because of constant job threat. Do employees need to work of their interest? Yes. When staffs enjoy the work, this will bring more happiness among their dependents and it helps them to deliver optimum work all times. Furthermore, the passion towards their work thrive them to explore avenue of opportunities which creates more profit for the companies. In addition, the quality time spend with their children enables them to be peace at work. For example, my neighbor works at TBS, his passion to work is very admirable which aid him to reach management layer at very early age. Thus, it is assumed, if staff’s life their work then firms will ripe fantastic results. To sum up, as the proverb says, “work is worship”, it is always vital to work of interest along with marked standard salary rather than, earning exhaustive package by spoiling personal commitments won’t help both the organization as well as to their employees.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are earning enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have more troubles.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
meager salary with satisfied jobs enable them to deliver quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In the following passage, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
declaring my stance.

Most of the corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are drawing huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
,
yet
their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of internal issues. The expectation from the organization is beyond the limit where they spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.
For instance
, my friend works at Amazon incorporation, he works for more than 12 hours a day, sacrificing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
family occasions.
Moreover
, they need to
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge to compete with their peers.
Additionally
, there is continues job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
which spoils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
pleasures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Also
, constant pressure to deliver quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can hinder their peace.
Therefore
, it
is believed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
earning huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
tend to lose family values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of constant job threat.

Do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of their interest? Yes. When staffs enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, this will bring more happiness among their dependents and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to deliver optimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
Furthermore
, the passion towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
thrive them to explore avenue of opportunities which creates more profit for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
In addition
, the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend with their children enables them to be peace at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, my neighbor works at TBS, his passion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
admirable which aid him to reach management layer at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
Thus
, it
is assumed
, if staff’s life their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then firms will ripe fantastic results.

To sum up, as the proverb says,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“work
is worship”, it is always vital to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of interest along with marked standard salary
rather
than, earning exhaustive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
by spoiling personal commitments won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both the organization
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn lot of money, others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts