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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v.7

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 7
Nowadays, violence on technology incrementing while some people consider that violence on television and in computer games has damaged the society, others mention that the positives of it as well as the salutary authority for the public demeanour. In my opinion, I personally believe that violence played the vital role in ravaging the society from the avails of the television as well as the computer games. On one hand, people believe that violence on television and in computer games modified the mind of people to the negativity and I accede to this. In other words, people learn the negative act from the television and in computer games. As a result, this act applied to the society and engender earnest quandaries in the connection with others in society. For example, my cousin Faruk who is only nine years old assailed his neighbour with a knife and cuts his one finger recently, Faruk accept that he learn this negativity from the game which one he played all the time on the computer. However, violence in technology can damage any more ecstatic society facilely. On the other hand, a few people mention that violence on television and in computer games distribute the positive impact on people's demeanour by build thought of the indispensability of the society. To put it simply, people learn the command of society from the television as well as in computer games. For instance, ''Society in life'' denominated tv serial influenced my relative Akash who was always impudent to the people of his society. Albeit, learning positivity from the television and from the computer games is consequential. In conclusion, while the people's opinions vary, I personally believe that violence on television and in computer games has damaged the society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on technology incrementing while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has damaged the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, others mention that the positives of it
as well
as the salutary authority for the public
Possible spelling mistake found.
demeanour
. In my opinion, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
played the vital role in ravaging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from the avails of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as well
as the computer games.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
modified the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the negativity and I accede to this. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
act from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, this act applied to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and engender earnest quandaries in the connection with others in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, my cousin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Faruk
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nine years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
assailed his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
with a knife and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
his one finger recently,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Faruk
accept that he learn this negativity from the game which one he played all the time on the computer.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in technology can damage
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
ecstatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
facilely
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
distribute the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
demeanour
by build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of the indispensability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To put it
simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn the command of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as well
as in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, ''Society in life'' denominated
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
serial influenced my relative Akash who was always impudent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Albeit, learning positivity from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and from the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is consequential.

In conclusion
, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions vary, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has damaged the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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