Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v.6

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 6
Today, for the publicity purpose, producers and directors of television shows and computer games are trying to add for violent content, to entertain people. Some have addressed their views that it is having an adverse effect on the society, while others are not considering it that it is going have any bad impression on the society. I will agree that television and computer games influence our society in either good and bad way, based on its content that they are displaying. Nowadays, our youth follows, what actors are doing on television. Also, people spend most of their free time either watching television or playing computer games. So, due to all these factors, it may have a harmful effect, on the people if it is shown in the violent manner. First, most of the people have this fascination towards their favourite television stars. They want to mimic these actors lifestyles, the way they live their life and do things in a movie. In the social media like Twitter, these stars have their millions of followers. So, this suggests that people are desperate to live thier life like them, teenagers are most influenced by them. A report by Dehli government shows that 40 percent cases of affray have been registered in previous year against children and when they were asked about the incident, they replied they just did what a hero does in an action movie. Second, due to busy schedule, people are not able to spend their time outside, to play during their leisure time. So, they decide to watch movies on television and sometimes they love to play video games, and it has been psychologically proven that playing games affect our subconscious mind. There has been a case of 50 people died by playing a game named blue whale. It was a horrible game in which, to win that game, a person has to die at the end. Which was quite absurd. Although these games attract people, their consequences could be severe. In conclusion, I am not in a favour to bring more violence and violent like characters on a television and a computer game because the way people are attracted toward these technologies, It can bring our humanity in the dark phase if it is displayed in an abhorrent way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, for the publicity purpose, producers and directors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
for violent content, to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
have addressed their views that it is having an adverse effect on the society, while others are not considering it that it is going have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression on the society. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
influence our society in either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way, based on its content that they are displaying. Nowadays, our youth follows, what actors are doing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their free time either watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, due to all these factors, it may have a harmful effect, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if it
is shown
in the violent manner.

First
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have this fascination towards their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
stars. They want to mimic these actors lifestyles, the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life and do things in a movie. In the social media like Twitter, these stars have their millions of followers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are desperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
life like them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are most influenced by them. A report by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dehli
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 40 percent cases of affray have
been registered
in previous year against children and when they
were asked
about the incident, they replied they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
did what a hero does in an action movie.

Second, due to busy schedule,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to spend their time outside, to play during their leisure time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and it has been
psychologically
proven that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affect our subconscious mind. There has been a case of 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
by playing a game named blue whale. It was a horrible game in which, to win that game, a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Which was quite absurd. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their consequences could be severe.

In conclusion
, I am not in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to bring more violence and violent like characters on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and a computer game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
toward these technologies, It can bring our humanity in the dark phase if it
is displayed
Consider replacing "in an abhorrent way" with the adverb for "abhorrent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an abhorrent way
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts