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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v.3

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 3
Watching violent television series or playing such computer games are the latest trends in the present generation. Therefore, growing number violent television series and computer games have been debatable, while some believe it is deteriorating an individual's mental health and society, others think these are not causing any harm. From my point of view, violence in any way has deep effects on a person's psychology and can be damaging to the society. Although many believe the violence in television shows help to understand the realities around the world, it hugely depends on the context of the events shown. In addition, people prefer to play computer games which involve fighting as they believe it is training the brain to handle complex situations and helps in decision making. To illustrate, many documentaries have been made on past events like the terrorist attacks and many games are also made based on the concepts of robbery or attacks. Therefore, the younger demography prefers watching ferocious television programs and play video games as they consider as a learning tool and don't find any vital change in a person's behaviour. On the other side, it is said what you sow, so shall you be and it incorporates for our brain too. Whatever we feed our mind and body it will respond in that particular way. Continue spending time watching or playing violent videos can have a negative influence on a person's behaviour because people adopt their habits through the influence of their senses which involves majorly watching and hearing. Also, watching television in itself is an addiction and watching or playing videos which have revengeful agenda's can also eventually develop a negative mindset. More people with such mindset can have fatal effects on the society. All in all, a society is made by its people and the people are made by their mindset, so feeding the mind with violence and negativity can have adverse effects on society. It's controversial whether the violence on television and gaming is deteriorating the harmony in society and affecting the behaviour of people or not. In my opinion violence causes negative emotions and can be damaging to the society as well as to an individual's behaviour.
Watching violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
series or playing such computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the latest trends in the present generation.
Therefore
, growing number violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
series and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been debatable, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe it is deteriorating an individual's mental health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these are not causing any harm. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in any way has deep effects on a person's psychology and can be damaging to the society.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to understand the realities around the world, it
hugely
depends on the context of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
shown.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which involve fighting as they believe it is training the brain to handle complex situations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
documentaries have
been made
on past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like the terrorist attacks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
made based on the concepts of robbery or attacks.
Therefore
, the younger demography prefers watching ferocious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs and play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as they consider as a learning tool and don't find any vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in a person's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

On the other side, it
is said
what you sow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
shall you be and it incorporates for our brain too. Whatever we feed our mind and body it will respond in that particular way. Continue spending time watching or playing violent videos can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on a person's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adopt their habits through the influence of their senses which involves
majorly
watching and hearing.
Also
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in itself is an addiction and watching or playing videos which have revengeful agenda's can
also
eventually
develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mindset. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with such mindset can have fatal effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. All in all, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is made
by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are made
by their mindset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
feeding the mind with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and negativity can have adverse effects on society.

It's controversial whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and gaming is deteriorating the harmony in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and affecting the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or not. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions and can be damaging to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
as to an individual's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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