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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.19

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 19
These days, there are continuous debates regarding the harm of violence in social media and video games where some people state that it can have a negative impact to the public while others disagree. From my point of view, I strongly agree that this can create aggressiveness among the society. To begin with, computer games and social media platforms can influence people to try the skills in the real world. As we know, in this modern era, these technologies are mostly used by younger generations, especially children and teenagers. As a child, they have difficulties differentiating what is safe and whatnot, but they have a curiosity of trying what has been shown to them. For example, Parkour videos where people jump around buildings could be interesting for the children to try. However, they do not know if it is safe when the stunners in the videos are skilled and well-trained. Furthermore, the violence which is being portrayed through movies could create hatred among mankind. This can be seen through movies that have sensitive issues such as racial and religion aspects. For example, videos which contain misunderstandings between two races could make the people to choose sides. The hate could grow among each other and eventually end up having fights between themselves. In conclusion, I highly believe that violence in social platforms and games can have a damaging effect on the society. Instead, media industries should produce more shows or video clips that promote love and harmony. In that way, people would practice to maintain a peaceful surrounding.
These days, there are continuous debates regarding the harm of violence in social media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the public while others disagree. From my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this can create aggressiveness among the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computer games and social media platforms can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to try the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the real world. As we know, in this modern era, these technologies are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by younger generations,
especially
children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. As a child, they have difficulties differentiating what is safe and whatnot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have a curiosity of trying what has
been shown
to them.
For example
, Parkour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
jump around buildings could be interesting for the children to try.
However
, they do not know if it is safe when the stunners in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
are skilled
and well-trained.

Furthermore
, the violence which is
being portrayed
through movies could create hatred among mankind. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
through movies that have sensitive issues such as racial and religion aspects.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
which contain misunderstandings between two races could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose sides. The hate could grow among each other and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having fights between themselves.

In conclusion
, I
highly
believe that violence in social platforms and games can have a damaging effect on the society.
Instead
, media industries should produce more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
clips that promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and harmony. In that way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
The verb 'practice' is used with the gerund form: "practice maintaining".
practice to maintain
a peaceful surrounding.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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