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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 1
A part of the society believes that the violence experienced nowadays, has as one of the responsible the tv and video game, while another part vehemently denies this connection. In my opinion, it is not in the media that we should put the blame. To begin with, I think that every person who is violent was born with that seed inside it. I truly believe that some people were born to be evil. Putting blame on television or violent video games is just an excuse for them. Take, for instance, famous serial killers of the 60s and 70s, they did not grow up playing violent video games, they did not spend hours in front of a tv watching violent tv shows or films, because mainly, they only exist today. Also, if we take that information as a base, that people get more violent because of TV and games, I bet that practically the whole world would be violent nowadays, right? Well, at least a lot of the young people of the world! Imagine what chaos, we would be facing on those days with all those crazy games? As for myself, I already have played a lot of those games and never thought to shoot or hit anyone out there. To conclude, yes, I even understand some people accuse the media of the cause of the violence but in fact, I think it is more useful in reducing it than increasing it. The media should be seen as a great tool to spread peace.
A part of the society believes that the violence experienced nowadays, has as one of the responsible the
tv
and video game, while another part
vehemently
denies this connection. In my opinion, it is not in the media that we should put the blame.

To
begin
with, I
think
that every person who is
violent
was born
with that seed inside it. I
truly
believe that
some
people
were born
to be evil. Putting blame on television or
violent
video
games
is
just
an excuse for them. Take,
for instance
,
famous
serial killers of the 60s and 70s, they did not grow up playing
violent
video
games
, they did not spend hours in front of a
tv
watching
violent
tv
shows
or films,
because
mainly
, they
only
exist
today
.

Also
, if we take that information as a base, that
people
get
more
violent
because
of TV and
games
, I bet that
practically
the whole world would be
violent
nowadays, right? Well, at least
a lot of
the young
people
of the world! Imagine what chaos, we would be facing on those days with all those crazy
games
? As for myself, I already have played
a lot of
those
games
and never
thought
to shoot or hit anyone out there.

To conclude
, yes, I even understand
some
people
accuse the media of the cause of the violence
but
in fact, I
think
it is more useful in reducing it than increasing it. The media should be
seen
as a great tool to spread peace.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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