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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.4

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 4
While some people think that the violence on television and in electronic games can influence the people’s behaviour, others do not believe that. My opinion is that these kinds of things cannot modify a person’s attitudes. This essay will discuss about those two points of view using examples to support the arguments and demonstrate some points. Firstly, there are some people who deny that brutality produced on digital media, such as TV or Video Games, can really produce some bad effects on society. For example, I have played so many violent games in my childhood, but I have never involved with some violent happening. It may be because of the way that I was educated since I was just a child and the values that my parents always show me. Therefore, the values that exist in a society may be more important to maintain people away from any kind of bloodshed than just some games or TV shows. Secondly, also there are people who believe that, in fact, violent games or any violent show on TV can lead to aggressive behaviours. For instance, some people have ever committed stranger crimes that sometimes are very similar to some series’ episodes or even with games parts. Because of things like that, people and even human behaviour specialists believe that sometimes violence was generated by that type of brutal material. So if we analyse from this point of view, really makes sense. In conclusion, some people have the power to control his thoughts and attitudes to not become violent whereas others are easily influenced after have contact with violent materials. But I believe the way a person handles his thoughts and attitudes may depend more on the temperament and education than what he is consuming on electronic devices.
While
some
people
think
that the violence on television and in electronic
games
can influence the
people’s
behaviour
, others do not
believe
that. My opinion is that these kinds of things cannot modify a person’s attitudes. This essay will
discuss about those
two points of view using examples to support the arguments and demonstrate
some
points.
Firstly
, there are
some
people
who deny that brutality produced on digital media, such as TV or Video
Games
, can
really
produce
some
bad
effects on society.
For example
, I have played
so
many
violent
games
in my childhood,
but
I have never involved with
some
violent
happening. It may be
because
of the way that I
was educated
since I was
just
a child and the values that my parents always
show
me.
Therefore
, the values that exist in a society may be more
important
to maintain
people
away from any kind of bloodshed than
just
some
games
or TV
shows
.
Secondly
,
also
there are
people
who
believe
that, in fact,
violent
games
or any
violent
show
on TV can lead to aggressive
behaviours
.
For instance
,
some
people
have ever committed stranger crimes that
sometimes
are
very
similar to
some
series’ episodes or even with
games
parts.
Because
of things like that,
people
and even human
behaviour
specialists
believe
that
sometimes
violence
was generated
by that type of brutal material.
So if
we
analyse
from


this
point of view,
really
makes
sense.
In conclusion
,
some
people
have the power to control his thoughts and attitudes to not become
violent
whereas others are
easily
influenced after have contact with
violent
materials.
But
I
believe
the way a person
handles
his thoughts and attitudes may depend more on the temperament and education than what he is consuming on electronic devices.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 4

Essay
2 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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