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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 5

The time we live in is being called the Entertainment Age—and rightly so. It's becoming increasingly difficult to walk into a room that doesn't have some sort of screen in it. In fact, every one of us carries a mini entertainment device on-person everywhere we go, in the form of a cell phone. The available content varies, but one trend that's part of most programmes is violence. But is violence on television and in video games actually causing us harm? The argument in favour of this theory is simple—people watch someone being violent, and then they themselves are encouraged to cause violence. There has been some research to support this theory, where participants were selected from a group of criminals and their activity prior to incarceration was studied. However, such studies have never had a control group, and hence do not paint a true picture of the phenomenon. In my opinion, the idea that 'watching violence incites violence' has no leg to stand on. On a daily basis, billions of people watch action movies where the hero takes down a group of villains with a machine gun. Millions play competitive games where the objective is to kill the opposing team in the cleverest way possible. But the number of people who perform violent acts in real life? Less than a single percent of that figure. Furthermore, there has never been any direct link established between violence on screen and violence in real life. One researcher went as far as to say, "You're about as likely to take a life because of watching someone else do it on TV, as you are to fly to the moon after watching the Moon Landing. " It's not difficult to understand where the idea originates. Humans, by nature, are concerned about the safety of the ones they love. Any threat to them, however remote, starts to feel significant when it could ruin an otherwise peaceful life. Be that as it may, people should accept these things as a 'doubt', rather than a 'threat', till such time as they can confirm it. I truly hope that, in the future, people are made aware of the fact that violence on screen doesn't translate to real violence. After all, no one enjoys being worried. And this is certainly a topic not worth worrying about.

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.5

The time we
live
in is
being called
the Entertainment Age—and
rightly
so
. It's becoming
increasingly
difficult to walk into a room that doesn't have
some
sort of screen in it. In fact, every one of us carries a mini entertainment device on-person everywhere we go, in the form of a cell phone. The available content varies,
but
one trend that's part of most
programmes
is
violence
.
But
is
violence
on television and in video games actually causing us harm?

The argument in
favour
of this theory is simple—
people
watch
someone
being
violent, and then they themselves
are encouraged
to cause
violence
. There has been
some
research to support this theory, where participants
were selected
from a group of criminals and their activity prior to incarceration
was studied
.
However
, such studies have never had a control group, and
hence
do not paint a true picture of the phenomenon.

In my opinion, the
idea
that 'watching
violence
incites violence' has no leg to stand on. On a daily basis, billions of
people
watch
action movies where the hero takes down a group of villains with a machine gun. Millions play competitive games where the objective is to kill the opposing team in the cleverest way possible.
But
the number of
people
who perform violent acts in real
life
? Less than a single percent of that figure.
Furthermore
, there has never been any direct link established between
violence
on screen and
violence
in real
life
. One researcher went as far as to say,
"
You're about as likely to take a
life
because
of watching someone else
do
it on TV, as you are to
fly
to the moon after watching the Moon Landing.
"


It's not difficult to understand where the
idea
originates. Humans, by nature,
are concerned
about the safety of the ones they
love
. Any threat to them,
however
remote,
starts
to feel significant when it could ruin an
otherwise
peaceful
life
. Be that as it may,
people
should accept these things as a 'doubt',
rather
than a 'threat', till such time as they can confirm it. I
truly
hope that, in the future,
people
are made
aware of the fact that
violence
on screen doesn't translate to real
violence
.
After all
, no one enjoys
being worried
. And this is
certainly
a topic not worth worrying about.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb
Essay
4 paragraphs
387 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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