Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.14

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 14
These days, the amount of cruelty in media is growing. While some people argue that this trend will undoubtedly lead humans to dangerous future, others claim that it has no damaging effect on the society. However, it can be argued in this essay that in most cases, media violence doesn't affect people's behaviour. Firstly, it appears that some people think that violent media accustoms viewer to cruelty. The reason is that they believe that people copy actions they see on TV, but I doubt this opinion. In my view, People act from their motives, regardless what they see on the television. Reasonable and intelligent people treat others humanely irrespective of what they see or hear in fictional stories. For example, if someone intends to do harm to somebody, that is not because of watching TV or playing computer games, but due to that person's character and educational background. Moreover, video games and television may even reduce anti-social behaviour by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness. In other words, truculent people may fight in virtual reality instead of dragging innocent people in their sick real world. For instance, a recent study has shown that playing video games had a positive effect on reducing the level of social brutality in long-term perspective. This kind of data gives a robust support against the negative claims. Finally, despite many claims and assumptions about the negative effects of television and computer games, but these claims cannot be considered as there are no any proven surveys or scientific studies that connect between violent media and illegal activities in social life. Taking everything into consideration, I would say that brutality in contemporary media has no substantial influence on people's behaviour. Television and computers are not the main factors that shape personal character, and they can even be useful in reducing the level of violence.
These days, the amount of cruelty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is growing. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this trend will
undoubtedly
lead humans to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
future, others claim that it has no damaging effect on the society.
However
, it can
be argued
in this essay that
in most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
violence doesn't affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Firstly
, it appears that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
accustoms viewer to cruelty. The reason is that they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
copy actions they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I doubt this opinion. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
act from their motives, regardless what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Reasonable and intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treat others
humanely
irrespective of what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or hear in fictional stories.
For example
, if someone intends to do harm to somebody,
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of watching TV or playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to that person's character and educational background.

Moreover
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness.
In other words
, truculent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may fight in virtual reality
instead
of dragging innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their sick real world.
For instance
, a recent study has shown that playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on reducing the level of social brutality in long-term perspective. This kind of data gives a robust support against the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
claims.

Finally
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
claims and assumptions about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these claims cannot
be considered
as there are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any proven surveys or scientific studies that connect between violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and illegal activities in social life.

Taking everything into consideration, I would say that brutality in contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has no substantial influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
and computers are not the main factors that shape personal character, and they can even be useful in reducing the level of violence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 14

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts