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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v.2

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 2
oday it is a popular belief that students attending high school should volunteer in the community as part of their schooling. I strongly agree with this notion. Volunteer work can provide young people with the experiences they need for paying jobs and it can also help them see themselves as valuable contributors to society. When completing compulsory work activities with charitable organizations or community organizations, students gain skills that they can add to their resumes and use in future jobs. Working out in the real world quickly teaches young people the importance of time management, clear communication and teamwork. Employers like McDonald’s restaurants, who provide many young people with their first paying jobs, look for volunteer work on resumes as evidence of having developed some relevant work skills. So, although students are not paid for their time, they are building valuable abilities for future employment. Perhaps even more importantly, when students volunteer, they are more likely to realize that their actions have a positive impact on the world around them. Often the problems of our world can seem overwhelming but if students are given the opportunity to help others, even in a small way, they will see that they can make a difference. In schools that have been running these programs, there has been an incredible boost in student morale and the community has benefitted from the talent and time that young people have contributed to the many programs that need support. It’s true that studying for academics is time-consuming and students already have a lot to do in a day but if we teach them how to step up and help others, we create a better future for us all. In conclusion, it is a great idea to have unpaid community service as part of a high school program because it will help the next generation prepare for employment and it will build a caring community that is willing and able to make our world a better place. It’s my hope to see this in every school.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
oday
it is a popular belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as part of their schooling. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the experiences they need for paying jobs and it can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves as valuable contributors to society.

When completing compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
activities with charitable organizations or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
organizations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their resumes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in future jobs. Working out in the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
quickly
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the importance of time management,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
communication and teamwork. Employers like McDonald’s restaurants, who provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their
first
paying jobs, look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on resumes as evidence of having developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not paid for their time, they are building valuable abilities for future employment.

Perhaps even more
importantly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
, they are more likely to realize that their actions have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
the problems of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can seem overwhelming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others, even in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
way, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that have been running these programs, there has been an incredible boost in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
morale and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from the talent and time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have contributed to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs that need support. It’s true that studying for academics is time-consuming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
already have a lot to do in a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we teach them how to step up and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others, we create a better future for us all.

In conclusion
, it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to have unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service as part of a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
next
generation prepare for employment and it will build a caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
that is
willing and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a better place. It’s my hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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