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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. v. 2
It is suggested that volunteering in public service is one of the students’ obligations in high school. I totally agree with this opinion for better ethical thinking and soft skills. Teenagers should be a part of public service because it raises awareness of ethical thinking. In fact, since taking part in social service, teenagers could perceive the proper manners and think like an adult to tackle the problems which make efforts to understand the value of life. In addition, teenagers’ thoughts adjust the wrongdoings or bad attitudes to social standards. This means that through participating in community service, teenagers think carefully before making the decision or speak out. For instance, in many countries, they introduce the policy that almost all criminals have to join in the public service while they are in jail and after that the offenders are supposed to change completely into better acting. Another reason is that teenagers can practice necessary soft skills to succeed on the future job while servicing the community. Firstly, in order to accumulate the experience before getting a job, teenagers should communicate with different kinds of people that means they can apply directly into social communication without any mistakes. Secondly, learning how to work effectively with others is one of the essential skills acquired from taking part in public service. For example, social have been witnessed several cases that the person who are self-isolated and reserved themselves after spending time with others, they become more communicative and sociable which is good for self-development. In conclusion, I am inclined to the view of required social service for high school students. By doing community service, the experience tends to be accumulative and useful for teenagers, which help them in every way for the coming job after graduating high schools or colleges
It
is suggested
that volunteering in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is one of the students’ obligations in high school. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion for better ethical thinking and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
should be a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it raises awareness of ethical thinking. In fact, since taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
could perceive the proper manners and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like an adult to tackle the problems which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to understand the value of life.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
thoughts adjust the wrongdoings or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
standards. This means that through participating in community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the decision or speak out.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, they introduce the policy that almost all criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
while they are in jail and after that the offenders
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
completely into better acting.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can practice necessary soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to succeed on the future job while servicing the community.
Firstly
, in order to accumulate the experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting a job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that means they can apply
directly
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communication without any mistakes.
Secondly
, learning how to work
effectively
with others is one of the essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
acquired from taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
have
been witnessed
several cases that the person who are self-isolated and reserved themselves after spending time with others, they become more communicative and sociable which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for self-development.

In conclusion
, I
am inclined
to the view of required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for high school students. By doing community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, the experience tends to be accumulative and useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in every way for the coming job after graduating high schools or
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
colleges
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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