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Nowadays museums have become more and more important. What are the purposes of places such as museums and how should they be funded? v.3

Museums have been one of the most pivotal places to learn about a certain field. Today, many museums operate entertaining facilities for visitors to enjoy. The argument that museums should merely be a place of education, is both supported and refuted by many. This essay will discuss both points before giving a conclusion. To begin with, amusement areas at museums can attract a diverse audience especially children. A survey done by a National Education Institute plays a good example here. It suggests that few students feel motivated to learn at a traditional classroom setting. Instead, learning through games and kinesthetic activities can boost their interest. This is applicable in this argument too, providing some leisure activities at museums can enhance learning outcomes, and captivate children’s attention. This explains why museums should also be entertaining. On the other side of the argument, the most common purpose of visiting a museum is for education. For instance, people visit art galleries for sketching, or history museums to collect some relevant data for their study. Hence studying at a museum that has many entertainment facilities can be destructive. Owing to the fact that these places can be noisy as the children play, and people speak loudly. Consequently it can detract the concept of studying quietly. Thus the viewpoint that a museum should be a place of education is justified. To conclude, both sides of the argument that museums should be a place of learning have strong reason. However after discussing their points, there seem to be more advantages if museums provided some entertaining activities. Such type of exhibitions are believed to become a mainstream in the foreseeable future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
have been one of the most pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to learn about a certain field.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
operate entertaining facilities for visitors to enjoy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
merely
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, is both supported and refuted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. This essay will discuss both points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, amusement areas at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can attract a diverse audience
especially
children. A survey done by a National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
Institute plays a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here. It suggests that few students feel motivated to learn at a traditional classroom setting.
Instead
, learning through games and kinesthetic activities can boost their interest. This is applicable in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
too, providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure activities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can enhance learning outcomes, and captivate children’s attention. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
also
be entertaining.

On the other side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, the most common purpose of visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit art galleries for sketching, or history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant data for their study.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
studying at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainment facilities can be destructive. Owing to the fact that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can be noisy as the children play, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
speak
loudly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
it can detract the concept of studying
quietly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the viewpoint that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is justified
.

To conclude
, both sides of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: “to have”
have
strong reason.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
after discussing their points, there seem to be more advantages if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertaining activities. Such type of exhibitions
are believed
to become a mainstream in the foreseeable future.
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IELTS essay Some people think that museums (and galleries) should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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