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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree v.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 5
Some people think that volunteer work which is useful to the community, should be mandatory on teenagers who study at high school. I completely disagree with that opinion due to several reasons that I will discuss in greater detail in my essay. First of all, although nowadays it is not common in teenagers joining to volunteer work, it imposes this work it not the key way to solve this problem. In other word, teach students advantages and how much important to help other people, this makes students like volunteer work. For instance, if would teach students volunteer work helps to improve community, it will outcome we have a generation of teenagers like help people and will stay like help people after finishing school. Instead of generation compulsory to do, help people and In the future, this will lead to avoiding voluntary work. One class in week specified for educating the student about volunteer work more useful of mandatory. Secondly, the high school Rehabilitation students to university, so their students do not have enough time for doing volunteer work, especially for weaker students, so make volunteer work compulsory It will negatively affect students. For example, if the students spent a lot of time for volunteer work such as working for charity, improving the neighbourhood and clean roads, then did not achieve to good degree that’s will lead to avoid students volunteer work. In conclusion, I think encourage the students to do volunteer work and educate him how is important, it will be more useful than make volunteer work compulsory.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is useful to the community, should be mandatory on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who study at high school. I completely disagree with that opinion due to several reasons that I will discuss in greater detail in my essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although nowadays it is not common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
joining to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it imposes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
it not the key way to solve this problem. In other word, teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
advantages and how much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, if would teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
community, it
The word 'outcome' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will outcome
we have a generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and will stay like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after finishing school.
Instead
of generation compulsory to do,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and In the future, this will lead to avoiding voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in week specified for educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more useful of mandatory.

Secondly
, the high school Rehabilitation
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students
to university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for doing
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volunteer
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work
,
especially
for weaker
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students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
compulsory It will
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as working for charity, improving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
and clean roads, then did not achieve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degree that’s will lead to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
work.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and educate him how is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it will be more useful than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
compulsory.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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