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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give re v.6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). Give re v. 6
Nowadays, many families have to balance the need for additional income with the necessity of providing a secure, comforting environment for their children. I believe that the latter is more important. This essay will discuss both points of view. It is not only desirable but also compulsory for both parents to work in today’s difficult economic climate. Despite the potential problems for the children, work, either part-time or full-time, is the only solution to have sufficient funds to raise a child. Salaries provide for the day-to-day essentials as well as allowing a family to live in a neighbourhood where the best schools are situated. One or both parents leaves home early in the morning and doesn’t return until late evening. The result of this is that a solution has to be found for when children finish school before their parents arrive home. After-school clubs are plentiful; other options include family members looking after the children either voluntarily or on a paid basis, often at a reduced rate. Either the husband or wife, or in some cases both, also work overtime, thus providing even more money. A pupil at primary school needs the comforting reassurance of somebody at home or at the school gate when he or she finishes the school day. Whether it is to tell that person about a good mark for homework or to discuss any problems, the mere presence of another human being provides invaluable support. So-called latchkey youngsters often mix with others in the same position and this can lead to undesirable consequences such as involvement in crime, drugs or alcohol. Help with homework as well as providing food and drink are other advantages. In conclusion, although extra income is always welcome, I believe that the positive aspects of the support of one or more parents far outweigh any monetary gain.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance the need for additional income with the necessity of providing a secure, comforting environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe that the latter is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This essay will discuss both points of view.

It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
desirable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
compulsory for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s difficult economic climate. Despite the potential problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, work, either part-time or full-time, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to have sufficient funds to raise a child. Salaries provide for the day-to-day essentials
as well
as allowing a family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
where the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are situated
. One or both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
home early in the morning and doesn’t return until late evening. The result of this is that a solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be found
for when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
arrive home. After-school clubs are plentiful; other options include family members looking after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
either
voluntarily
or on a paid basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
rate. Either the husband or wife, or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases both,
also
work overtime,
thus
providing even more money.

A pupil at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
needs the comforting reassurance of somebody at home or at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
gate when he or she finishes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
day. Whether it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that person about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mark for homework or to discuss any problems, the mere presence of another human being provides invaluable support.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
-called latchkey youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mix with others in the same position and this can lead to undesirable consequences such as involvement in crime, drugs or alcohol.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Help
with homework
as well
as providing food and drink are other advantages.

In conclusion
, although extra income is always welcome, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of the support of one or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
far outweigh any monetary gain.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). Give re v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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