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Some people believe that university students are required to attend the classes. Others hold the view that going to classes should be optional for students. v.1

Some people believe that university students are required to attend the classes. Others hold the view that going to classes should be optional for students. v. 1
On the other hand, in some situations attending classes should not be mandatory. For example, students may be absent because of sickness, jobs, family needs or the necessity to take care of children or the urgent need to be in a different place during the class time. Some of the students are forced to work and sometimes the work hours come across the class hours. For the benefits of those students, attending classes at the university level should be voluntary. Many people believe that university education is quite different than pre-university level education. Students in university level are quite matured and they should be free to learn things they way they prefer- be it classrooms, library, the internet or some other sources. To sum up, different views exist in regards to class attendance by university students. However, in my opinion, it is more beneficial for students to attend classes which will eventually help them to increase their knowledge, read more, learn more and, definitely, it will help them to prepare for their future career.
On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
should not be mandatory.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may be absent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sickness, jobs, family needs or the necessity to take care of children or the urgent need to be in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are forced
to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the work hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
hours. For the benefits of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level should be voluntary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-university
level education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level are quite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
matured and
they should be free to learn things they way they prefer- be it classrooms, library, the internet or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sources.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views exist
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
attendance by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, in my opinion, it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase their knowledge, read more, learn more and, definitely, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to prepare for their future career.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that university students are required to attend the classes. Others hold the view that going to classes should be optional for students. v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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