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A lot of films are now being made strictly for the DVD market and we are able to download films directly from the internet websites. How do you think this development is affecting cinema audiences? Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

A lot of films are now being made strictly for the DVD market and we are able to download films directly from the internet websites. How do you think this development is affecting cinema audiences? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
The film industry has a significant influence on the lifestyle of youngsters from beginning of 19th century until now. In India, movies are acting as a media of one-way communication and this film industry has contributed one of the biggest parts of the economy of India. One part of society think that watching movie online instead of going to cinema theater is positive development of technology, but I believe that this is negative development because it affects not only on the income of filmmakers but also on the income of government and this development also introducing new trend of reducing public attraction towards the DVD market. Directors of film usually invest huge money for making his film extraordinary. Due to, piracy people usually watch movies by downloading them from the internet, because of this, filmmakers get less profit. Furthermore, it affects on taxes which they have to pay to the government. For instance, in India piracy is a big crime and India suffered a lot because of this crime in 2010. Since piracy has been banned, government's overall income has increased a lot. Moreover, Indians encouraged purchasing DVDs on a large scale. Nowadays it is noticeable that, many people do not have any interest in buying original DVD or watching movies in a theatre because of many reasons. First of all, there are many websites on which one can easily find new updated movie list. Secondly, because of busy a schedule, they get very less time as leisure time. Eventually, the price of the DVD and movie tickets is quite high. That is why audiences are more attracted towards the easy way of watching movies and that is the internet. For example, those who belong to a  rural area, generally enjoy movies by watching them online because they are not capable of paying a high cost of original DVDs. In conclusion, negative use of the internet, especially for piracy, has affected badly on the income of filmmakers as well as on the number of audiences in cinema theatres. Collaboration among audience, film-maker and government is very much important to avoid piracy.
The film industry has a significant influence on the lifestyle of youngsters from beginning of 19th century until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are acting as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a medium" or simply "media"?
a media
of one-way communication and this film industry has contributed one of the biggest parts of the economy of India. One part of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
online
instead
of going to cinema theater is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of filmmakers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and this development
also
introducing new trend of reducing public attraction towards the DVD market.

Directors of film
usually
invest huge money for making his film extraordinary. Due to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by downloading them from the internet,
because of this
, filmmakers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less profit.
Furthermore
, it affects on taxes which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For instance
, in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
crime and India suffered a lot
because of this
crime in 2010. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
has
been banned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
has increased a lot.
Moreover
, Indians encouraged purchasing DVDs on a large scale.

Nowadays it is noticeable that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have any interest in buying original DVD or watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites on which one can
easily
find new updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
list.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of busy a schedule, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less time as leisure time.
Eventually
, the price of the DVD and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
tickets is quite high.
That is
why audiences are more attracted towards the easy way of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
that is
the internet.
For example
, those who belong to a
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
rural area,
generally
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by watching them online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not capable of paying a high cost of original DVDs.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
badly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of filmmakers
as well
as on the number of audiences in cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. Collaboration among audience, film-maker and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A lot of films are now being made strictly for the DVD market and we are able to download films directly from the internet websites. How do you think this development is affecting cinema audiences? Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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