Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses as rates of obesity are getting higher and higher. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people believe that universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses as rates of obesity are getting higher and higher. v. 1
Obesity plays a huge role in our current generation health problems. Some scientific data even suggest that obesity might be the number one risk factor for various life-threatening diseases like stroke, heart disease and high blood pressure. So it's our vital responsibility to maintain a healthy lifestyle that keeps obesity risks at bay. Playing sports is an excellent activity to keep our body healthy. Nowadays there is a decline in interest among youth to play sport, Hence some people are rooting for the universities and school to make it as a mandatory activity to overcome or keep obesity in check. I wholeheartedly agree to the call for making it mandatory in universities. Most of the students living in the city don't have enough space in their neighbourhood to indulge in any sort of sports or physical activity and there are other factors such as the time constraint due to their strict university schedule, lack of trainers that contribute to the lack of sports activities in the student's life. Therefore, making sports a mandatory compulsory module in the student's schedule will give them a little push towards a better health style. In turn, this will bring good benefits to them such as improvement in mental health which will lead to good grades in their academics and ultimately keep them from becoming obese. In conclusion, it should be one's own responsibility to maintain Obese free lifestyle. But making it mandatory will give them an incentive to push forward in terms of achieving the fore mentioned responsibility.
Obesity plays a huge role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation health problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scientific data even suggest that obesity might be the number one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor for various life-threatening diseases like stroke, heart disease and high blood pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's our vital responsibility to maintain a healthy lifestyle that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
at bay.

Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
our body healthy. Nowadays there is a decline in interest among youth to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are rooting for the universities and school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to overcome or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
obesity in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the call for making it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
in universities. Most of the students living in the city don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
to indulge in any sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and there are other factors such as the time constraint due to their strict university schedule, lack of trainers that contribute to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the student's life.

Therefore
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
compulsory module in the student's schedule will give them a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
push towards a better health style. In turn, this will bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefits to them such as improvement in mental health which will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their academics and
ultimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them from becoming obese.

In conclusion
, it should be one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility to maintain Obese free lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
making it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mandatory
will give them an incentive to push forward in terms of achieving the fore mentioned responsibility.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses as rates of obesity are getting higher and higher. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts