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Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. v. 1
It is argued that tertiary schools should enforce sport classes officially as part of students’ curriculum in all specialties. This essay totally agrees with this statement because this will ensure that all students do physical exercises to remain fit and healthy. Also, this will revive students’ interest in playing sports on a regular basis. Putting into action a compulsory sport subjects at the third level of education forces all students to practice sports regularly. That is to say, some university specialties require students to spend a fair amount of time sitting behind computer screens doing research, or doing other educational activities. Thus spend less time, if not at all, in doing physical activities and gain weight at faster rate. However, by allocating time for sports, they will have the opportunity to cut down on their weight and remain healthy and fit. For example, the implementation of compulsory sport courses in Singapore significantly contributed in decreasing the rate of obesity amongst young adults. As well as that, when considering mandatory sport classes in tertiary school system, students may explore new interest in practicing sports beyond their studies. In other words, playing sports at university enables students to get into the habit of practicing sports regularly and may adopt a certain sport as a hobby. Therefore, going for a certain sport, such as swimming or playing tennis, will become a passion than just a way to lose weight. For instance, more than 60% of Manchester University students became fond of sports because it was an official module in the university. In conclusion, I firmly believe that putting into effect sports classes in tertiary schooling system will provide students them with an ideal opportunity to do physical exercises regularly and going in for sports may develop with them into an enjoyable habit.
It
is argued
that tertiary schools should enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
classes
officially
as part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
curriculum in all specialties. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will ensure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do physical exercises to remain fit and healthy.

Also
, this will revive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interest in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on a regular basis.

Putting into action a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
subjects at the third level of education forces all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university specialties require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of time sitting behind computer screens doing research, or doing other educational activities.
Thus
spend less time, if not at all, in doing physical activities and gain weight at faster rate.
However
, by allocating time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on their weight and remain healthy and fit.
For example
, the implementation of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
courses in Singapore
significantly
contributed in decreasing the rate of obesity amongst young adults.

As well
as that, when considering mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
classes in tertiary school system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may explore new interest in practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
beyond their studies.
In other words
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at university enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the habit of practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
and may adopt a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a hobby.
Therefore
, going for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, such as swimming or playing tennis, will become a passion than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a way to lose weight.
For instance
, more than 60% of Manchester University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
became fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was an official module in the university.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that putting into effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes in tertiary schooling system will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
them with an ideal opportunity to do physical exercises
regularly
and going in for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may develop with them into an enjoyable habit.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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