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Some people believe that uniforms at work places are not necessary. Do you agree or disagree with it? v.1

Some people believe that uniforms at work places are not necessary. with it? v. 1
International sporting events like the football World Cup, the Olympics and the Paralympics have not only strengthened the bonds between different countries, but have also bolstered patriotic spirits in a healthy way. While, some people might argue that these international sporting occasions have little or no effect in improving international tensions and are a waste of money, the benefits of these events are way too many and it outweighs the negative sides. In this essay, I will discuss the various reasons how international sports help in strengthening social and political ties between countries and support my views with relevant examples. Firstly, sports serves as a means to influence, diplomatic, political, social relations and transcends cultural differences by bringing people together. Hundreds and thousands of fans from countries all over the planet, seem to have set aside their racial, cultural, and religious differences and bond merrily over the game of football. Such as, the FIFA world cup in 2010, held in South Africa attracted over 2. 3 billion people from over 60 different countries across 6 major continents. Secondly, international sporting occasions also serve as a platform for people to unite and support their nation. Moreover, there is a certain togetherness, a certain camaraderie that total strangers can achieve simply by virtue of belonging to the same nationality and rooting for the same team. Illustrated, by the football world cup match held in 2014, where a record breaking 200, 000 tickets were sold only to the U. S residents. Fans poured in from all the 50 states of the country. Similarly, in the case of European football, the game itself and the stadiums have emerged as a basis of political expression and basis of recent collective memory. Not only, soccer has been historically able to simultaneously maintain the differences that give each European country their own sense of identity, but also it has strengthened the bonds that bind them together as one body. In conclusion, sports play an important part in the universal culture. Even though, some people might argue that in match of nationalism versus globalism, nationalism wins, I strongly agree that international sporting events like soccer and Olympics promotes globalisation and is a great sanction tool in International relations. Especially, it serves as an important means of combining different people in the world and is an activity that contributes to world peace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup, the Olympics and the Paralympics have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthened the bonds between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
also
bolstered patriotic spirits
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting occasions have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no effect in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tensions and are a waste of money, the benefits of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are way too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and it outweighs the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides. In this essay, I will discuss the various reasons how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in strengthening social and political ties between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and support my views with relevant examples.

Firstly
, sports serves as a means to influence, diplomatic, political, social relations and transcends cultural differences by bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. Hundreds and thousands of fans from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the planet, seem to have set aside their racial, cultural, and religious differences and bond
merrily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the game of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
. Such as, the FIFA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cup in 2010, held in South Africa attracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
2. 3 billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
60
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
across 6 major continents.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting occasions
also
serve as a platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to unite and support their nation.
Moreover
, there is a certain togetherness, a certain camaraderie that total strangers can achieve
simply
by virtue of belonging to the same nationality and rooting for the same team. Illustrated, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cup match held in 2014, where a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
record breaking
200, 000 tickets
were sold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the U. S residents. Fans poured in from all the 50 states of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Similarly
, in the case of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, the game itself and the stadiums have emerged as a basis of political expression and basis of recent collective memory. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, soccer has been
historically
able to
simultaneously
maintain the differences that give each European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sense of identity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has strengthened the bonds that bind them together as one body.

In conclusion
, sports play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the universal culture.
Even though
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that in match of nationalism versus globalism, nationalism wins, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like soccer and Olympics promotes
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and is a great sanction tool in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
relations.
Especially
, it serves as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
means of combining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and is an activity that contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that uniforms at work places are not necessary. with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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