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do you agree or disagree with this statement? sometimes people think nowadays the media are less concern about the accuracy of news than in the past v.13

sometimes people think nowadays the media are less concern about the accuracy of news than in the past v. 13
In this recent years, Criminality ratio is widely increasing around the globe and that may lead people to request from their governments to provide more security restrictions to maintain their environment safely. The Police administration is one of the most aspects of peace in the town. Therefore, Some nations think that they should see the policeman everywhere to feel safely every time. I totally disagree with this approach and this essay will outline my reasons. Firstly, The number of the population has been affected negatively on the man's behaviour because of the raising in life expenses, The lake of food resources, The environmental changes that caused by human's bad activities. Those all are pushing some people to drive their live in other places. Unfortunately, illegal immigration may be the easiest way to live in the developed countries. I think this is the most critical reason of increasing the criminal activities, especially in Europe and America due to the inability of policemen to catch this increasing number of illegal immigrants. Therefore, Only raising the number of policemen can't be the only way to prevent crime around the country. For example, Italy's travellers have always an awareness of thieves and fraud activities specially in Rome due to the huge amount of African immigrants who immigrated through Mediterranean sea whilst the travellers can see the policeman everywhere they are. However, Rome has been ranked as the most incidents of fraud city in Europe during the last years. On the other hand, Tokyo still keeps its ranked as one of the most secured city around the world. Despite, the population capacity in this big city considered as the highest one in the last 10 years. Although, The existence of policemen in Tokyo's street is rarely seen and we can refer that to Japanese's behaviour toward their manners and traditions. Also the government control strongly the process of immigration to introduce a fair life for everyone. In conclusion, Governments can reduce the rate of dangerous activities in their countries by issuing a fair polices applied to everyone and fighting corruption. Nevertheless, The illegal immigration activities, especially in the developed countries will be remained as the harmful reason of crime increasing.
In this recent years, Criminality ratio is
widely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
around the globe and that may lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to request from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to provide more security restrictions to maintain their environment
safely
. The Police administration is one of the most aspects of peace in the town.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the policeman everywhere to feel
safely
every time. I
totally
disagree with this approach and this essay will outline my reasons.

Firstly
, The number of the population has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the raising in life expenses, The lake of food resources, The environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that caused by human's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Those all are pushing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to drive their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other places. Unfortunately, illegal immigration may be the easiest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is the most critical reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
especially
in Europe and America due to the inability of policemen to catch this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of illegal immigrants.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
raising the number of policemen can't be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
crime around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Italy's
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
have always an awareness of thieves and fraud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
specially
in Rome due to the huge amount of African immigrants who immigrated through
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Mediterranean sea
whilst the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the policeman everywhere they are.
However
, Rome has
been ranked
as the most incidents of fraud city in Europe during the last years.

On the other hand
, Tokyo
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
its ranked as one of the most secured city around the world. Despite, the population capacity in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city considered as the highest one in the last 10 years. Although, The existence of policemen in Tokyo's street is rarely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
seen and
we can refer that to Japanese's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
toward their manners and traditions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
control
strongly
the process of immigration to introduce a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
life for everyone.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by issuing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
polices applied to everyone and fighting corruption.
Nevertheless
, The illegal immigration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
especially
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be remained
as the harmful reason of crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay sometimes people think nowadays the media are less concern about the accuracy of news than in the past v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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