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Some people believe that price is the only consideration when buying something. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people believe that price is the only consideration when buying something. v. 2
It is often believed that it is impossible to purchase happiness with wealth, and people often find it hard to define ecstasy and how to attain it. I will discuss reasons why ecstasy is hard to label as well as ways to achieve it. One major reason why joy is hard to explain is that people have various views on what joy is, hence they strive hard to attain the things they have labelled to be symbols of contentment. For example, a friend of mine believes that she will be happy when she acquires wealth. While, one of my lecturers believes that fulfilment means impacting lives. Another reason why contentment is difficult to label could be that feelings cannot be seen or touched. The state of being pleased is abstract and as a result, it can only be felt. In order to attain cheerfulness, an individual needs to determine for himself what he perceives as bliss. This is because once a person has been able to figure out what bliss means to him, he can align his steps in the directions that will bring fulfilment. For example, the former president of Nigeria, Ebele Johnathan, loved to put smiles on people's face because he believed satisfying human beings was the key to attaining bliss and he is living a joyous life doing this. In my office, I love partaking in charity and this gives me satisfaction. In conclusion, wealth cannot purchase good cheer and peace is hard to define because people have their own definitions for it. In order to be happy, individual should focus on what they think will bring them peace.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
happiness with wealth, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to define ecstasy and how to attain it. I will discuss reasons why ecstasy is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to label
as well
as ways to achieve it.

One major reason why joy is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have various views on what joy is,
hence
they strive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to attain the things they have labelled to be symbols of contentment.
For example
, a friend of mine believes that she will be happy when she acquires wealth.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, one of my lecturers believes that
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
means impacting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Another reason why contentment is difficult to label could be that feelings cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or touched. The state of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
is abstract and
as a result
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be felt
.

In order to attain cheerfulness, an individual needs to determine for himself what he perceives as bliss. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once a person has been able to figure out what bliss means to him, he can align his steps in the directions that will bring
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.
For example
, the former president of Nigeria,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ebele
Johnathan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to put smiles on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he believed satisfying human beings was the key to attaining
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bliss and
he is living a joyous life doing this. In my office, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
partaking in charity and this gives me satisfaction.

In conclusion
, wealth cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cheer and peace is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to define
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
definitions for it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
order to be happy, individual should focus on what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
will bring them peace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that price is the only consideration when buying something. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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