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Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. v. 1
During the past few years, with the ever-increasing number of tourists, the responsibility of visitors have become more controversial. While some people believe that tourists should be responsible for social and environmental issues, others think that they do not need to do that. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the former idea that travellers should be in charge of these problems. On the one hand, a number of social and environmental responsibilities do not belong to tourists. The reason for this is that they think that except travelling times, tourists must bear a wide variety of social and environmental burdens. Therefore, on holiday, it is a great time for them to relax, wash the dust of every day as well as recharge battery after hard working days. Furthermore, the given argument is that service providers should be recharge of problems related to society and the environment. For example, museums should address environmental crises which are generated by their visitors. On the other hand, I personally believe that tourist flocks should get involved in useful activities to reduce social and ecological problems. Firstly, in many places especially entertaining constructions, tourists there cause a lot of social and environmental problems. A good example is conflicts between local people and visitors due to a difference in cultural background. A great solution is that travelers should research thoroughly about codes of conducts in the areas they have a tendency to explore. Secondly, although there are a number of labours collecting garbage which is discharged by visitors, it is not effective if tourists do not improve their awareness to protect the environment. In conclusion, some individuals argue that travellers do not pay more attention to protecting the environment and reducing social issues whereas I support the opinion that they need to cooperate with service providers to be responsible for these kinds of problems.
During the past few years, with the ever-increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, the responsibility of visitors have become more controversial. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they do not need to do that. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
should be in charge of these problems.

On the one hand, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
responsibilities do not belong to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
The reason for this is
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that except travelling times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bear a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
burdens.
Therefore
, on holiday, it is a great time for them to relax, wash the dust of every day
as well
as recharge battery after
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
days.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
argument is that service providers should be
Consider using a past participle here: "recharged".
recharge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to society and the environment.
For example
, museums should address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
crises which
are generated
by their visitors.

On the other hand
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
flocks should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in useful activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and ecological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places
especially
entertaining constructions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
there cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is conflicts between local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and visitors due to a difference in cultural background. A great solution is that travelers should research
thoroughly
about codes of conducts in the areas they have a tendency to explore.
Secondly
, although there are a number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
collecting garbage which
is discharged
by visitors, it is not effective if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their awareness to protect the environment.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argue that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
do not pay more attention to protecting the environment and reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues whereas I support the opinion that they need to cooperate with service providers to be responsible for these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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